Hi! Because you didn't reply in the chat mode, the system reverted to the question/answer mode. So I'll answer you here, okay?
First, allow me to say I can imagine that it is hurtful and frustrating this situation is for you. Clearly, you are a loving and caring person and you want to receive that love and caring back. You are right, many young guys treat what your boyfriend did as normal guy behavior and not a violation of relationship rules at all. Many would view looking at the other's phone log as being more of a violation. But you are sensitive and he seems like he's quite a nice person as well. And he agreed to stop with that guy kind of flirtatiousness. That's great.
And even though in your mind you know your bf's behavior was not a major violation, still you feel like that loving and caring is a little broken. And that hurts. And really you would be right if your relationship together was a beautiful china vase, it is cracked now.
And this is the key that I want you to use to reorient your view of what is actually happening. Relationships aren't really like china vases. They are like a lily plant that you put in the center of your garden. A lily plant is something that you have to nurture in order for it to grow. And sometimes we forget to water at the right time and sometimes we are careless or angry or stubborn, etc. But we move forward and nurture some more and it comes back to health and full bloom.
Your bf was careless. True. And even careless mistakes can hurt someone. True. But there are levels of hurt. Not hurts have to be such big hurts just because they hurt, agreed?
This was certainly a hurt he inflicted because of carelessness. But you can let it be a little hurt that eventually goes away. Because he won't be doing this over and over, so it will go away. He even was willing to look at it your way and change what he's doing with his buddies. That's pretty fantastic.
So let me repeat what I wrote in the chat:
This is how trust works. Trust is not a GUARANTEE about the future. Trust is a mutual agreement among people. You can't ever be certain about what anyone will do in the future, including him. So how do you trust in him? You have to BESTOW trust in him.
Let's make sure this is clear. Trust is not something about the future. We never know what somebody might do in the future if you think about it. You've seen people do unexpected things. Well, there's no way to guarantee against unexpected behavior. But that doesn't stop of us from bestowing trust on people. We bestow trust based on our faith in their relationship with us. So trust is based on PAST behavior, not future behavior. And he has shown that he deserves to have you trust him that this was a careless hurt he inflicted.
You have a bf who affirms his love for you and is close to everything you want. But a Pandora's box was opened and you can't find a way to close it. So let me give you the tool:
You remember his behavior with his buddies in your mind and you focus on one moment in time: his careless behavior with his buddy. You look at this behavior in your mind and you see yourself being diminished.
I want you to reorient your view: when you think of him you need to focus on THE PRESENT: he chose YOU. He affirmed his love for YOU. He continues to affirm his love for YOU. He made a small mistake. Thank goodness it was just a little mistake.
Look at the lily plant blooming and not the struggle to get to this good moment.
I wish you the very best!
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