I am sorry to know about this situation
Then you only found out about it this long later when reviewing your debit card statement?
You were only dating for three months and when she used it you were like in a break up status, right?
You have been dating only for a short period of time, thus this incident is very concerning, since it shows that you trusted her that much to the point of giving her your debit card, and when you were under a lot of stress she chose to use your money without your permission, and after doing it, instead of holding accountability for it she kept silent until you found out, when she justified her behavior instead of acknowledging it was wrong. I agree with you that this is very concerning and that trust is soemthing that needs to be earned, even more in romantic relationships, otherwise it would be very risky and naive to give that access to your money. here it has not been an accident, an isolated episode, then I think it's just not wise to trust her that much, because her actions have not been matching her behaviors, and this is about money, what makes of it a very serious issue, specially this early in the relationship.
I think you need to set better boundaries and limits around what is acceptable and what is not, reconsider giving her access to your money this much, and be careful, then time would show you if she really respects you, is honest and consistent with her actions or not. If a person after lying does not fully acknowledge her behaviors, taking full responsibility for them and doing what is necessary to repair the problem created, then it would be very foolish to trust that person without concrete and consistent changes in time.
Also when a person is dishonest about money, that person could easily be dishonest about any other area too, then these episodes are obvious red flags for you.
Yes, these is complex since it is not about an isolated incident as i said before, but a group of behaviors around lack of honesty and unauthorized use of your money. very concerning for sure.
My suggestion is to only gradually trust people in consistency with the level of honesty, integrity, respect and reciprocity they show in time, otherwise it would be risky and naive, potentially enabling people to use and abuse us emotionally and financially too.
I would give her a chance after one isolated episode, but if then i see a pattern where dishonesty continues, lack of respect, accountability and objective effort to repair what was wrong, then no doubt I would seriously consider the soundness of staying in a relationship with a person presenting such serious issues.
That is a reasonable and realistic concern for sure
and only you know what and how much you are truly willing to afford in this relationship.
I suggest you to reassess your core needs and expectations in the relationship, and objectively see if this person has been able and willing to met them, including basic respect, honesty and accountability, since without them, no healthy and fulfilling relationship could develop.
I am very sorry to know of your loss and think you are much more vulnerable because of it, and these new issues-behaviors you are describing here, consistently show how this person does not seem to truly respect nor care about you, then how could you expect real and healthy affection under these circumstances? I think you should get healthy help from your support system, those healthy and caring people in your life, from family to close friends, and consider individual psychotherapy and a support group for grief, as the best approach to take good care of yourself working on your healing process from this tough time in your life, without getting even more attached to a person who does not seem to truly even respect you, your feelings and vulnerability.
Grieving a parents is tough most of the time, and this process could take from a couple of months to years if untreated when it becomes overwhelming, and attaching to a new person-relationship , that do not appear to be truly healthy, supportive, empathetic, respectful and healing for you could never help, but make things worse.
too many red flags in such a short period of time, not good.
Please consider my suggestions in order to effectively cope with these challenges, heal in your grief and take good care of yourself with the right support.
Based on everything you described here, I think I would, but each person is different, with unique values, beliefs, expectations and needs.
You're very welcome. I support your plans for getting counselling/psychotherapy. Please do so as soon as possible.
Yes, I would
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.
As I said, if it happens to be a situation I would face, yes, I would end the relationship.
Take good care.