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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I am not in love with this girl but I am afraid to dump her

Resolved Question:

I am not in love with this girl but I am afraid to dump her as she has no-one else in her life.
I am at uni in London and she came up to london iniatially to do a course in fashion but left after three days due to anixety problems. She then got a job but left after the first day again due to anixety problems. I have tried taking her to a doctor but they told her to come back in a month. I am really stressed with my own course. She sits in her flat and has noone to visit her except me on a Saturday night! Can you give me some advice please?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this concerning situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have depicted a situation about a person who presents serious mental health problems, including severe depression, anxiety and self-harm,and probably personality disorders too; who is very unstable and vulnerable right now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is sad to know this situation has happened where you got involved with her without having enough affection for her, what could have complicated her and your situation, sine a person showing these problems could be much more vulnerable and her mood and functioning deteriorate even more and faster with any new stressor triggering the problems already present.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For how long has she been there and for how long would she stay?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How old is this person, and how attached you feel she has got to you?

Customer:

She has been in London Since September and she will stay as long as her grandmother keeps paying her bills.and she is 19

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

On one hand you have put yourself in a very challenging and stressful situation, I am sure you are not enjoying at all. On the other hand, I think you could use the very attachment and closeness presents between you to try to support her as possible.

Customer:

She has just sent me the following text - .... Just go mike, leave and focus on your work. I don't want to live my life anymore your just go and focus on what needs to be done xxxx

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then she is very young, but has these serious mental health problems. Do you know if her grandmother is expecting to get academic records or some evidence she is working on her studies there are the agreed before she left? What about her parents?

Customer:

Her parents are divorced and constantly arguing. She relies on her grandmother for emotional support but she would not want me to tell anyone about her situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If she has been this depressed, isolating, anxious and presenting self-harm behavior, then the first thing you need to consider if how to get in touch with her family in order for them to come and take her back home, since you do not want to afford her attempting suicide or harming herself even more. She needs and deserves to rehabilitate from these disorders, so support from family and professional is essential, and she is not getting any of that while there.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

i see, then it is very sad and concerning.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The point here is that is her grandmother is a positive presence in her life, if she is unaware of what is going on there, she would be unconsciously enabling her destruction because of the isolation and alienation she has developed since she got there.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The best approach could be for you to support her as much as possible, working on finding good therapeutic help she needs n order to be stale and rehabilitate, then for her to have the openness and willingness to get back to her home to get necessary support. It's just very frustrating and shocking that her GP has not referred her for mental health services, and that she got an appointment in a moth what just does not help.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I suggest you to contact a local support line for people presenting self-harm/suicidal behavior or mental illness in order for them to guide and support you on how to help her taking into account current limitations and local resources available.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Has she considered getting confidential counseling online? In that way she would have to deal with much less stress and anxiety,while getting professional support right there.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is the National Self-harm Network contact number 0800-622-6000 Here you can find information on how to support her and find sources of support: http://www.nshn.co.uk/friends.html and http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Self-injury/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

Yes thank you I will try what you suggest - How can I get back to you if I need to?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You can contact me posting your questions through my profile here:


http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/ Direct your questions to "Rafael" in order for other experts yo know you want me to reply, and i will answer in 60 minutes .

Customer:

Thank You !

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please try to become a better friend, more compassionate,empathetic, understanding and supportive, since that is the best way you could get her trust, openness, and willingness to get necessary help for her to rehabilitate, This way her grandmother could be contacted and informed for her to do way is necessary to get all the health support she deserves.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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