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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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i am a woman who has had this crush on another woman at my

Resolved Question:

i am a woman who has had this crush on another woman at my work
she caught me looking her up and down in tesco one day and ever since then we have been flirting.


laughing at my not so funny jokes.
brushing past me so close sometimes could always feel my hair move
standing up close behind me so i could feel her chest on my back
when i started stroking her arm and moving into her personal space alot one day she seemed happy enough and said she was shaking
once when i had my hand on counter she put her hand right next to mine
i brushed past her once slowly and deliberately she then started standing in my personal space and then when my arm
was resting on counter she put her arm next to mine.
couple of times glanced across room smiling at each other
couple of sexual innuendos were she stood close up behind me again and i was doing the order and she said thats come
thats come, come come come
then once when she said come in the back with me
standing close up to me so that are arms and feet touch
arms touching on counter
caught me looking her up and down again and her eyes lit up and she did that flirty giggling.
not often but they are days when she accidentally bumps into me alot.
refers to us as 'we' alot

was it reasonable to call her on it?




anyway with all thats been going on she did some things to suggest that she has been hinting at wanting to come
round to mine for her lunch break.
so i invited her round she came round. and acted like nothing was going on in work. and i asked her if she was hinting
to come round she was shocked and said no she said goodbye and looked at me as if i was a weirdo
so i text her asking what has been going on in work stuff like that she ignored my texts and has told the boss at work
and has now reported me to HR

texts when something like this

'somethings been bothering me in work'
do you think i like you that way
not accusing you of anything i mean no harm. it's all my fault
feels like we are playing mind games with each other i dont know whats going on anymore
i am into you that way feels like you are encouraging it if you are not that way inclined

no responses from any of them


it's fine if this woman doesn't want a relationship with me i am not some kind of stalker. i just wanted to know
so that if she doesnt want a relationship with me i can move on.
but how can i get it so wrong? surely the signs above, says that she was interested, it's possibe she didnt know what
she was doing but i doubt it.
if i have misinterpreted the situation then fine but i dont know why she is so upset can you blame me for thinking she liked
me that way?

the fact that she has reported it and looked at me like i am a weirdo or dodgy makes me feel like either i am delusional
or she is.

the way i see it is if you are doing all these things then i am going to think someone likes me that way and i am
going to want to know if they are interested in dating me. is that unreasonable or something?

am i just delusional? she is a much older woman than me maybe her age is getting to her?
i am doubting myself now, maybe because i lack confidence. but if someone who you like in work was doing them 'flirting'
signs, well would you see it as being interested?

cant undertand whats going on
the boss asked me over the phone if she has said anything about it in work or sent text messages to me
about it, but i said no cause she hasnt.
and then asked me has she upset me in any way. but she hasnt.

i am so afraid that the outcome will make me look delusional and some obsessed stalker.
i never meant it to get this far. i dont like attention. i just thought that it would stay between me and her.
now the boss knows, and human resources are getting involved!

basically just want to know if i ever had reason to beleive that she was flirting with me from what i mentioned
above.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help with this situation.

Customer:

hello, thanks i hope so am so

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I do not think for a moment that you are delusional.

Customer:

thats a relief

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your writing was quite excellent and you very clearly descirbed erotic situations.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

They are worthy of a romance novel at the least and there was not question of a lot of erotic energy coursing back and forth between you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that she may not have realized how aware you were of the situation when it first began.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It sounds to me that she became frightened that she was actually experiencing these feelings, and when she morally judged herself, she clamped down very quickly.

Customer:

yes that might be what it is.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I would not give it any credence to the bosses or to HR. Amusingly baffled might be the best approach. And somewhat disinterested.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Be friendly with the woman, at arm's length.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Show no anger or hostility that she reported you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Only she will be considered the odd one.

Customer:

yes they have moved be at the moment to a different shop, but i will be back. will be friendly too her. just want to be friends with her now. will take some time though

Customer:

thanks for the help you made me feel better!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your actions will have to cover your feelings. You were betrayed and rejected and this hurts. However, since you have to consider you job, you must continue to be professional and get on with it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I do hope you find someone who not only values you but has the courage to actually do something about it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

My very best regards XXXXX XXXXX

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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