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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My name is XXXXX XXXXX i have been in love with my childhood friend

Customer Question

My name is XXXXX XXXXX i have been in love with my childhood friend for ages. Actually our parents were friends and we did grow up our first 1 and half years together. Then her parents moved to Tanzania, and we never had much contact. After that i have met her only once, almost 10 years, when my parents had kind of reunion. But in past 3 years, we do keep in regular touch through facebook and Whatsapp. We have interesting conversations, and she laughs a lot, and even tells me i make her laugh a lot.
I think she likes me, but not the way i do. She was a talking subject in my home when i was a child since my mom always used to talk about her when i was growing up, and thus since i was around 7, in my mind she was my girlfriend. Ok i understand, i was a kid, it was all childish, but as i grew up it never went away. Actually i even turned down couple of girls in my high school just for her who was 7000 miles away and dont even remember me (because she was just 1 when our parents moved location).

And when our parents had that reunion in 2005, i finally came to meet her, i was dazzled by her. She was beautiful. I even did not have a picture of her, all were childhood pictures. But when i saw her in real (i was 14 and she was 13), i felt the presence of Love. I could not even talk properly(i was shy in nature), we do have good laugh now talking about that day where we both sat next to each other when our parents were like "why you guys not talking, you were childhood best buddies".

Now the feelings have intensified to such limits that i am seeing, feeling her presence everywhere. I live in London, and she in India,and through whatsapp and facebook we do talk regularly. I am totally in Love with her, but cannot lose her friendship. Having her back in my life has been magical, and i am scared if i convey my feelings i might lose her. Maybe she will tell her parents, BOOM!! I have considered all scenarios.

The thing is she does not know any of these. I do not have the courage to tell her. But my feelings has grown so high that it is impossible to contain them. I have started to give her mixed signals through texts, like calling her darling and saying she is getting more elegant and beautiful (I know its cheesy and old fashioned) but i am not that great in flirting with the "chosen one". She was, and is the only one i can see when i close my eyes in my future, and atleast i want her to know how special she is to me. I know its tough, but a moment has arrived when i shared one of my vulnerable moments with her, and she texted me how much she wished to help me. I even texted her saying a life long thanking you wont be enough (the sentence took almost a day of serious thinking to materialise). She replied by "why you saying thank you? what did i do?".

Well i want to tell her now, i want to tell her, how i started to fancy her when i was just 7 and how it developed into love by the time i hit my teens even though i have not seen her. I want to tell her, i passed through my tough times, looking at her picture and talking to her (maybe not this one). But please help, can i tell her, atleast the 7 year to 14 year period story so that she atleast knows she has a special place in my heart.

Please help me, i would try anything, and even though i dont believe in fairy tale, i think the christmas time is making me want to experience magic, and i hope you can help.
I LOVE HER, AND I WANT HER TO LOVE ME BACK. WE ARE 24 AND TIME IS RUNNING OUT.

I know its been a lengthy text, and not orderly. But my typing can never match my feelings. Thanking you in advance.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have written a most beautiful love story.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your name is XXXXX XXXXX I assume that you are also a young woman. Is that a fair assumption?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Although that can be a man's name in UK as well.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I only ask because it might be a cultural barrier with families if that is the case, and I want to see this from the correct viewpoint.

Customer:

i am a man

Customer:

Its Vivian full name

Customer:

thanks

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That makes it easier. I thought so, but because of your name I wanted to make sure.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have a wonderful love in your heart for this woman.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you think she is in love with you in the same way?

Customer:

Thank you.

Customer:

No i do not. she likes me, talks to me freely, i am close to her parents

Customer:

but way i love her, i dont think so

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you told her, your closest friend, how you felt, do you think you two could remain friends? Would you feel rejected beyond recovery? Would she feel too inadequate to be your friend?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that this is your question, but your thoughts are most important.

Customer:

Thats my fear. I don't want to lose her. Found her in facebook after long. I know we did lose a childhood. I cannot think about her not being part of my future.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Are you willing to take a chance?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I can really feel your tension and spiritual desire bursting through this electronic communication.

Customer:

Yes. i guess after just making her laugh and having casual communication for last 3 years, time has come. i have to do something.

Customer:

I just dont have a strategy. Emotions blurring my path

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Can you go to where she is right now or will she be back in UK over the holidays?

Customer:

I may go next year, she is on with an internship there, and only electronic medium we have.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that you must see her face to face and only when you can look into each others eyes.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You may know when you see her what her answer may be and you also may have a change of heart, even if that is impossible to imagine at this moment.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And you might even get the miracle that you have been praying for.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

One way or the other, however, you will be a step closure to closure.

Customer:

I know, but i feel like i have got an opening when she asked me what did i do to thank me for a life long time..i could tell her all about this as a fascinating life event. Is that approach helpful? because waiting another 6 months, well its impossible

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sometimes we have to strike when the iron is hot, as he old saying goes, even if in this case, it could be a little hotter.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you cannot wait, then gently pour out your hear to her and let her know exactly how you feel and what your dream of dreams is.

Customer:

gently you say? but how?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

As you did in this letter. With open wonderment that certain presented you as a man so full of the highest nature of love. I was so impressed on reading your works so pure and innocent.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In other words, just be yourself and speak the truth from you heart.

Customer:

but will it feel to her i have made up such a fantasy story. Its hard to believe if i hear this story from her

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She knows you all of your life. She is your best friend, and perhaps she is your soul-mate and feels the same way about about you. Perhaps he is your lifelong sister and that would be wonderful as well.

Customer:

she is really a no nonsense type of girl...

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

and what does that mean in terms of what you are trying to accomplish? That she will think you are a foolish dreamer and reject you? Perhaps you are the other side of her coin, exactly what she needs to be whole and complete.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that this is a daunting challenge, yet you have to do something or remain in limbo.

Customer:

absolutely right. But as you said its too daunting. But will i creep her out if i just say i was in love with you since i was 8 tomorrow?

Customer:

maybe yes

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can tell her that there is something on your mind that is troubling you deeply and that you don't want to creep her out or lose her. Tell her you are afraid to tell her, and she will insist that you do. You will get it out.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Make sure the moment feels good and there is time to talk.

Customer:

Its Christmas coming..i do want to spend another happy christmas with her, haha, but i cannot wait to know her reaction.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Can you combine the happy event with the telling? She certainly won't want to become the Grinch who stole Christmas, of Ebeneezer Scrooge.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Tell he you have only told one other person and that it was Saint Nicholas.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You Christmas wish.

Customer:

haha, my christmas wish would be see her smiling when she sees my message and understanding what i have gone through

Customer:

and atleast give me a chance to explain

Customer:

it as it should be

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Well I for one will keep you in my prayers.

Customer:

I know i am on my own in this but i am really grateful

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I hope for a Christmas miracle.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

May God bring blessing to you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so very welcome.

Customer:

past 2 days has been tough. I clearly want to take this opening and become more closer to her, but i was alone, your prayers may be the start

Customer:

i start today morning

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

They come from my heart :)

Customer:

Is it possible if i can get back to you if i need a bit more inner strength

Customer:

if its convenient?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes it is. I am here a great deal. Sometimes they allow alternate ways as well but I cannot control that.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Just ask "For Elliott Only - I Will Wait "and put a lock on it

Customer:

I hope to talk to you soon with a more encouraging face, thank you

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are welcome. I await great news.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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