How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
40019946
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now

I am in a real quandary. My wife of 13 years has had endometriosis

Customer Question

I am in a real quandary. My wife of 13 years has had endometriosis for over 10 years. This has given her extreme and intense pain which has had an effect on her emotions and her moods. She is very irritable, short-tempered and has had a big impact on my self-esteem. She has had several operations, the last one removing most of her ovaries fand therefore stopping her periods. I find it almost too much even if she raises her voice at me. I lover her deeply but don't feel I can cope. And yet I cannot imagine life without her. Sex has also been an issue as I have a I high sex drive and she didn't even before her condition. Sex has always been routine and I exciting. She was the second woman I had sex with and I started to feel resentful that I had not seen other women's vaginas and breasts. I joined a dating club unbeknownst to my wife and have met 5 women for sex which has shown me what I have been missing but has also left me feeling guilty and ashamed. I am thinking of suicide every day. It seems the only way out. Suicide does not mean I am clinically depressed, does it?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you with this complicated and heart-wrenching situation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Feeling suicidal IS a sign of clinical depression. Unfortunately your medications are not helping you. If you have only been on them a short while remember it often takes a month before they start to help = and they don['t always help everyone.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Telling yourself that your real feeling of depression do not sound to be much of a therapy.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have multiple issues. You are involved in a loveless relationship with a woman who herself if very depressed and aggressive.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Even before her endometriosis, you already seemed to have a deteriorating relationship due to sexual incompatability.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

incompatibility

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand that you have marriage vows with her but neither of you seem to be able to keep them to each other in different ways.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It would be cowardly to leave her by suicide and it would be brave to just divorce her. He abuses you and has crushed your spirit.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your self-therapy is dating and having sex with other women, and it seems to have had some cheering effect on you and perhaps lessened your despair.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Antidepressants only mask or lower symptoms but do not get at the causes, which in your case if marriage to a woman who not only rejects you sexually but abuses you emotionally. Your response is to get comfort elsewhere, but because you are married you are wracked with guilt.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You cannot help you wife any longer and she cannot help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is destroying your will to live and crushing your life, not on purpose, but because of the way she is - and you cannot help her.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have to be honest with your wife and tell her that you cannot bear to be with her any longer as you would rather be dead.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This will be a hard breakup, but not as hard as the life you will have to continue to endure until you die or she dies or until you take you life.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There is no sense in this. There is no real morality.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have already broken the marriage vows for which you should NOT be blamed. Your marriage is long failed and you must consider that perhaps ending it legally and going your own ways if the best, albeit imperfect solution.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

My prayers are with you for strength, courage, and wisdom.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will both survive on the other side of divorce. I cannot speak with as much assurance about your survivability if you remain in this marriage.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

God's blessings be with both of you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
< Previous | Next >
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
  • I Couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • TherapistMaryAnn

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg TherapistMaryAnn's Avatar

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    389
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    270
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    209
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/Dietcokeani/2009-08-16_115515_Annette_face_square.jpg Anna's Avatar

    Anna

    Social Worker

    Satisfied Customers:

    203
    29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/drshs/2011-5-8_214848_CIMG1275.64x64.jpg Dr. Shirley Schaye's Avatar

    Dr. Shirley Schaye

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    166
    PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions