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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2819
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Im recently entered a civil partnership with my wife , I identify

Customer Question

, I identify as lesbian . I'm Australian and I'm here on a partnership visa . My problem is her ex girlfriend . My wife works for her family's business and the ex girlfriend already had a job there before they broke up . She left my wife for another woman , they had been apart for two months before we started contact online my wife says she never loved her it was more she didn't want to be alone . We met fell madly in love and recently married . My wife's ex is still in love with her something I know for sure by my dealings with her and basically my gut instinct has never let me down also she has posted things on Facebook on our wedding day . Now she has been promoted at my wife's work due to another employee being sacked she has slipped into his roll as my wife's right hand employee . They start work together the same time and are alone together for and hour each morning and sit side by side in an office all day long . This is the only issue we argue about in our marriage . My wife says it shouldn't matter what this girl feels for her that I should trust her which I do but I know this girl is manipulating the situation and just waiting for a crack to show in our marriage she wants my wife and her son back more than anything . This whole situation is getting me down as it is less than ideal for me knowing her motives it should be the happiest time in my life

Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.

Coach Jen K. :

Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Coach Jen K. :

I hear your anguish and I know how hard it must be....but, i want you to rely on the fact that she loves you and has married you. This other woman can manipulate and try all she wants but the two of you are now married and that is your focus. The more energy you give to this woman and her antics the more real she becomes and you keep her alive in your relationship.

Coach Jen K. :

If your wife has not given you any reason in the past to doubt her then please rely on that and the love you ahve for each other.

Coach Jen K. :

this is the only thing you argue about? that is telling as well...it means you have a wonderful relationship so dont let this woman no matter what she pulls come into your connection.

Coach Jen K. :

The more you focus on her the more power you give her.

Coach Jen K. :

Let your wife know how you feel a bit insecure and will work on that but that a bit of reassurance from her from time to time can also go a long way.

Coach Jen K. :

Then you let it go and enjoy your time and your family life with YOUR wife.

Coach Jen K. :

I will wait for you to come online so we can talk further about this. I look forward to supporting you.

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