Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help you with this difficult predicament.
Your chief concern is about hurting this woman that you have been seeing for over a year.
You are unhappy in this relationship because she is much too demanding and possessive and does not allow you to have your own life. It is possible and normal to be in a committed relationship with someone you love and who loves you, without them smothering you, nagging you, and complaining.
You want out, and you have found someone much kinder and more suitable for you up north. This is the woman that you want to be with, and should be with.
You are currently forcing yourself to remain in this relationship, but are certainly not happy about it. You are having a lot of difficulty finding the courage to end it, but in your heart of hearts, this is what you want.
If you stay against your will you will resent her more and more. You will avoid her more and more. She will sense it and be even harder on you. If you give up the northern girl because of her you will regret it greatly.
You must get up the courage to end this relationship, to tell her it is not working and that the two of you just can't see eye to eye.
What do you owe this woman more than blind allegiance that flies in the face of common sense?
You owe her honesty. You need to give HER the freedom to find someone with whom she can be happy. You owe her that honesty.
Yes, she will feel hurt and rejected, and she will cry and be sad for awhile. However, she will get over it, as we all get over losses, and she will move on with her life. The next chapter for her will be better, because this relationship seems to have already run its course.
Most men tend to procrastinate when it comes to breaking up, and they have difficulty in doing so.Here are some tips on how best to succeed:
Make sure you break up face-to-face in order to show her respect and that the time you spent together was meaningful.
Don't tell her friends or family first. Make sure that she gets it directly from you.
Choose the right time and place, not on a holiday or when she is suffering from other stressful events, such as a death in the family.
Do it in a neutral location, rather than her house or yours (if you live apart
Tell her the truth, that there are other people better suited for her out there and that you have met someone else who you want to be with, if this relationship has already blossomed into a love affair. If not then don't mention it.
Stay calm even if she gets angry and yells. You must remain level headed. She is the one who is going to be very upset and you must let her vent, if she does.
Don't backtrack and change your mind, as a means to stop her tears. Stay true to your words. There is no need to prolong the agony of the visit, and leave as soon as you have clearly made your point.
Let me recommend an excellent book for you to help you along:
Moving on: Breaking Up without Breaking Down (Relate Relationships) by Suzie Hayman
Click on the link from www.amazon.co.uk
I wish you great strength and courage in moving forward with your life. You will both be better off.
I shall keep the both of you in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC