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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 715
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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hi rafael I have seen him since and gone to the cinema and

Customer Question

hi rafael
I have seen him since and gone to the cinema and seeing him tonight but he still wont address anything
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

hello again

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

sorry to bother you

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

he has decided to snap out of his silent mode!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No problem at all.

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

cinema last night and round his tonight. even talking about me going on holiday with him

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please refresh my memory about you and your situation, since the system is not allowing me to see our previous chat record.

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

BUT still will not talk about us and tells me he is still thinking...

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

guy who had gone silent with me for days and i was worried cos i was texting him all the time?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

yes, now I remember you

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

I have been seeing a guy for about ten months. He is 12 years older than me. It initially started out as an affair but that got sorted as I finished with my then boyfriend.
We have spent some nice times together. He tells me he thinks the world of me and occasionally tells me he loves me but its really difficult to get that bit out of him and he has only said it a few times.
He gets close to me then says 'im too old for you/ 'im scared of ruining your life'. He has been cheated on in the past and has gone through a messy divorce. He also has a disabled child. We text most days but when I start to ask where I stand he backs off and has said some things like 'im trying to get my head right... not going to say NO as we may get together...' but then avoids any questions to do with 'us' but will reply to other things like how is your day etc. A few days ago I told him to clear off as I felt like he was messing me about and he replied 'fair enough.. take care...' how can he possibly mean that?!. I then text and said why wont you just be open with me and he text back and said 'youve told me to clear off so that's what I will do...' then ignored me all weekend even though I apologised for that and told him that it was out of frustration. Its absolutely killing me him ignoring me and its been three days now and I know he has read my texts cos they say 'read'. Ive resorted to switching my phone off for a few days so I don't text him. Really love him and don't know whats wrong with me... any advice????

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

previous question

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

was wanting to give u an update

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Perfect, thank you!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

then as we thought, you waited and he contacted you

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is the pattern I fear was going to be perpetuated by him

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

yes he did and he seemed to be at other end of his phone straight away like as if he was wondering where i was

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

so he appears to be normal... will have dates out and have sex but wont talk to me about 'us'

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure, that's his pattern and that's why I alerted you that he was going too do this over again as long as you enable it, since it has become a very addicted and destructive relationhsip

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have you looked for psychotherapy? Do you remember how you admitted how he is ruining your life?

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

yes i did admit that. do u think i should ask him tonight outright

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

or maybe not see him at all? do u think this guy wants me or not

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Remember that for you to truly rehabilitate from this unhealthy person psychotherapy and a support group are necessary

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No, I do not think that you asking, or even contacting him at all is healthy but self-sabotaging

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do think he wants you to use and abuse you, and as long as you allow-enable him, this would continue causing further pain and suffering in your life.

JACUSTOMER-ykajarxg- :

so you dont really think that there is any hope for us to be together

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please so truly love, support and take good care of yourself, get psychotherapy and a good support group, plus all the help you could get from your support system, or you would continue to relapse and suffer even more.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Based on what you share with me a week ago, no I do not see that happening at all, unless he happens to literally transform himself, but that would take long period if time and work if it happens at all

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please learn from your experience, that way you would not suffer even more because of the same issues, but you would grow and get wiser and stronger, then those painful experiences would become helpful as life lessons, instead fo getting you down like an addiction, taking your life and happiness away from you.

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