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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi, I have cut all ties with my ex, im very upset about it

Customer Question

Hi, I have cut all ties with my ex, im very upset about it but I know it is the best thing to do as we are not right for each other, but im torturing myself with things like Facebook. It sounds so pathetic but a girl liked his photo and now I'm convinced he is seeing her or going to see her and I can't get it out of my mind, I want to relax but I can't get over it :(
Any advice would be appreciated :).
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this distressing and frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me for how long were you dating, which were the core issues that led to the end of it, and what have you been doing to move on?

Customer :

About 3-4 months but I fell deeply. It was too much too soon and he changed and didn't want to be with me. I've told him if I can't have him fully then I can't see him at all and i've just been keeping busy

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It seems that the end of the relationship was not too long ago, and that even when you were aware that it was the best for you, because of core incompatibilities, you have been having a hard time...I see!Thanks for replying.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then in fact it happened truly fast and intense but also ended this way, could have intensify your attachment and grief

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then he played a very nice role at the beginning and then changed showing his lack of ability and willingness to commit too you and work fully in the relationship, right?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then you said that your main strategy has been to keep yourself busy but once you saw this girl liked his photo, you got like obsessed and hurt because of it. Right?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

While you said you "cut all ties with him", it seems you have kept your FB account associated to his account, or have been checking his activity there, and this is what pushed you to have a harder time coping with this overwhelming situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then the first thing that you need to do with %100 consistency is truly eliminate every connection to this person and behavior fueling further attachment, feelings and emotions around him.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

While it is very frustrating and painful to go through this grieving process, it is necessary and can work for you, but you need to be patient, consistent with your decision and to get all the support you can to make things work for you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thus you would block this person from your FB account and make a commitment not to look for information about him, being mindful of what you need and truly want for you, not further suffering and pain, but real relief, and a healthy and mutually fulfilling , committed relationship, and this is what you should remind yourself, confronting any obsessive idea or emotion about him.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is not a one time reflection, but a long term process, work on yourself, literally learning how to feel, think and react, confronting what is unhealthy, and redirecting mind and heart into activities that would allow you to create and promote real fulfillment and meaning in your life at multiple levels. the it would not only be about getting busy, while repressing feelings, but to truly allow yourself to vent, relieve those feelings and focus on creating new healthy ones rooted on your present and real life, and not on what happened before.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I hope you could reply and dialogue with me if you want .

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