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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hi Elliott hope your well?? I need more advice as very confused?? He said yesterday how he has to be professional with work people and can't be bad boy when we all go out and seemed happy me n my bf were ok again as had argument, if he liked me surely he would not if you understand but he still flirts stares etc and says I will always be BMA not sister or anything as it's different but won't talk bout it and seems weird sometimes still unsure now if maybe he just likes banter at work and that's it. He has laugh bout sexual things with others sometimes but you can tell is joke but with me does do it but very limited n only when few around, he keeps saying I should get with his mate n laughs n says tell him ur only 25 it's very confusing as asked him for drink in jokey way n he laughed
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There is no doubt that he is playful and likes banter at work, but whether he knows it or not consciously, he is still very attracted to you as you are to him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There seems to be a great deal of chemistry between the two of you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Have you asked him out to the pub yet? I would imagine you haven't.

Customer : Hi hope u ok?? But y does he say these things is it because he don't want people suspicious as he just got took on permanent and he says am bad influence but likes it
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you are interested in trying to get closer with him then you will have to make some kind of small gesture.

Customer : He talks bout his gf lot too n pretends other woman in office his gf she in her late forties only joke but with me serious and trying to set me up with his mate I get upset and annoyed
Customer : I know what you are saying as I feel he does like me more than not but I buy him stuff etc but when I say what you up to weekend sometimes he says busy with work chat in min BMA but someone else ask n straight away tells then
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It's not YOU who is the bad influence. It is his own thoughts. He likes you. Your very presence is tempting to him and he doesn't want too much office gossip, even thought there is already plenty of talk. It is not hard for others to see that you like each other.

Customer : So what are ur thoughts on other things I mentioned
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I think you need to ask him out to the pub and talk one on one. It must be casual but if there is something there between you then you will know, outside of the stifling environment of the office.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have to start somewhere.

Customer : Do you honestly think it's more or maybe he likes banter n attention or just as good friend?? Even though he said when asked wud if circumstances were different n insists I am BMA but hates upsetting me I will ask him but he may say no as thinks not right
Customer : As I feel more weird around him as way feeling I feel sometimes it's game to him but he hurts my feelings way he is sometimes n then stares just stares
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I have not been there to observe your interactions, but if he stares and stares at you it means that he is deeply attracted to you. He can't take his eyes off you. You only do that to someone you have fallen for.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He can't say "no" if you don't ask him.

Customer : But stuff I told u things he says and nicknames etc is that how guys are to friends buddy's etc
Customer : I will ask him but don't like how he is sometimes upsets me as if I flirt gets ratty but alone flirts n winks back
Customer : Can you keep this open my question so can return please
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes I can.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I look forward to talking to you later and will save and exit.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Come back later. We need to sort this.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott

Customer : Hi Eliott hope your well??
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Hello!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Except for a cold, I am fine and kicking. How are you?

Customer : am actually feeling very down, yesterday was good day with guy he very flirty to me and I had to train him on a job n he was having laugh with me n he texted me back but today it's like he bit off, he has few personal issues which I understand his mums partner hsving brain operation so I ask him how it all is n here if he needs me says don't want to talk bout it but yet hear him telling someone, n I said to sit with me again to finish training he goes I'll toss coin n see if to sit with u or Karen other girl who does same job but knows more I said y when u enjoy it with me n I started training you, as he loves to do everything with me he goes am indecisive today??? I said fine sit with her he goes ok n went funny with me but yet I train him had started n he thinks that's fine n we didn't speak a afternoon, why be like that to me I have done most for him I always there have laugh but yet it seems he likes to flirt openly only with woman who 25 yrs older than him, n calls her his gf if I say something he don't defend me but says am BMA still n now texted him saying upset n now nothing I am very upser
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I can understand that his inconsistent behaviour is very stressful to you.

Customer : But he still stares etc n always wants to do stuff with me am I like someone he likes to just tease he does get very upset when we have our tiffs but today really upset
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is not very mature - like a little boy.

Customer : Do u still think he likes me or just friend??
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is fascinated with you and probably flirts with older women because they are somehow safer for him.

Customer : But he gets very protective if me still
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I think he likes you on an emotional level, but when he thinks about it on an intellectual level he thinks about his girlfriend and thinks that others will say something against him because you are older.

Customer : What do u mean fascinated?? Am so upset n y flirt he defo don't like her like that n she only pretends
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If nobody else was around you might not have a problem.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

When a man cannot take his eyes off a woman then he is fascinated, enthralled, hypnotized, strongly attracted by her.

Customer : It seems like embarrassed to like me so says BMA I asked him y he acts diff to me via text no reply, n that was just after he left work so can't use gf as excuse
Customer : He don't always stare not when I am facing him but see him corner of my eye but like always wants my attention
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are absolutely right. He IS embarassed to like you and that is why he calls you BMA and backs off from you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is afraid of his own feelings.

Customer : I know as said not keen on textingvn he hates talking bout emotions etc but still I get annoyed he treats me like this
Customer : Why is he embarrassed though??
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you want a real relationships with him then you will have to see him outside of work. If he is not able to do this then you will have to back off from him.

Customer : If he don't reply tonight what do I say tomorrow?? Do I let him be or say something as at wirk
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is embarrassed because you are older, and perhaps because you come from another country.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What country do you come from?

Customer : No am from England too but I guess as older and he thinks weird as always says when we all go out soon his mate coming n say am 25 I said y he goes just for fun
Customer : But I do back off then he will be all round me I feel bad n back to here again, but he goes oh BMA we will be togeather always as mates no one comes in between
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If he doesn't reply to him, don't mention it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is keeping you at arm's length and you are allowing him to.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Why won't you ask him to go out with you?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Just for a drink after work?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Tell him that is what best mates do.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Talk is one think, but without action it doesn't mean anything.

Customer : Why is he keeping me arms length?? N because I am with someone I live with then n he has gf so respect that n maybe do u think he knows I like him but he don't fancy me just likes attention
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Ask him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Tell him how you feel.

Customer : He goes aqward says at work
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is why you need to go out to the pub and get comfortable and talk and sit next to each other.

Customer : But I know he really hates us falling out likes to be around me etc as u can see difference with me to others
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

But it bothers you and you do not have to have this friendship on HIS terms. They can be on YOUR terms as well.

Customer : Well yesterday he sat next to me his leg was touching mind n he moved his foot in mine n put hand on knee then moved when manager walked by
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And that tells you he is physically attracted to you. That is the proof.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is shy. You must help him.

Customer : It is his terms not mine am too soft but people noticing me now saying today me n him looked annoyed each ithet
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is up to you to take charge of this. You cannot wait for him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you cannot move this relationship forward you will become annoyed with each other and that will lead to the end.

Customer : I know but when I flirt etc or anyone says owt he goes quiet n bit red n just goes weird then pretends don't hear it but I have to be careful as don't want him dis liking me or making sure I don't look desperate cougar after him when he may be generally being nice n he has gf
Customer : End what you mean?? N pls be honest that u think he fancys me not just mates?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

.We are starting to go around in circles. It is up to you to get to him outside of work so that others are not there. He doesn't want to do this publicly. Of course he fancies you. You should already know that. It is very clear from what you say.

Customer : But text him I can't help it if he don't respond I even flirt so y don't he??
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Because maybe he is afraid that someone will see his text.

Customer : Is it because maybe gf there?? I know he don't want to hurt her n he is a good guy not bad
Customer : So how can I do it?? Shall I get him on own at work n just ask him??
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He fancies you and you fancy him. Don't get him at work. You have to ask him out for a drink after work so you can be in a comfortable place. Not work.

Customer : No I mean ask for drink at work?? As texting he don't reply much sometimes n yeah I think he does fancy me but like u say obviously age thing bothers him n cus I got bf n him gf
Customer : Surely men reply to texts if fancy you all time??
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

So you have three choices. 1) Keep having this flirty, unfulfilled relationship 2) Take a chance and see if you can get together 3) stop flirting with him and establish more distance.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He might not want a written or electronic record of his communications with you.

Customer : Do u think then he not annoyed with me after today ?? As thought wud try n reply to say sorry
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Ask him.

Customer : Ok it's case of getting to ask him out though n if u really think I have chance I will do n he don't dis like me
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He likes you a lot but is afraid. You must take the lead.

Customer : Maybe as he young n never had this before a crush n don't know what to do bless him
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Well you need to help him grow up and become a man.

Customer : Haha I don't mind at all but tomorrow I'll say sorry let's move on fancy drink to say sorry after work??
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sure. Sounds like a plan ! ! ! ! ! !

Customer : Hope he says yeah lol thanks sorry can I update you again tomorrow last timr
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sure. You are getting great treatment from me because I like you and want to help.

Customer : Thanks I am sorry go on but want to be sure bout him n such string tension I feel I know bad I feel bad but so want him n hate myself for it but you understand n I hope I don't go on lol
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I'll be waiting for your response and will save this chat. You can consider a suitable bonus when we are done. I am here to help AND to make a living. :)

Customer : Looking at him makes me want him n when he touches me it's weird
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Major chemistry. Talk soon.

Customer : Hi Eliott hope you well??
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thanks. I am fine and trust you are as well.

Customer : Quite unsure again, when mats spoke to you was ok but we had kinda row that night spoke as he never texted back n next morning texted saying he was busy personal stuff n not hot time for arguments with work colleagues which kinda upset me? We then was ok at work as said don't want aqward he said fine n sorry but at work he is fine again etc but not quite same, he kinda makes more effort with girl next to him than before as she lost loads weight but he still looks at me n chats etc but he won't reply to texts now bit odd
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He seems to be very immature.

Customer : But he is same as flirty etc but he use to always be round me n apologise for not texting but seems down when we argue and always wants to help me with things, I said fancy drink to chat he goes yeah but I don't talk bout feelings don't do feelings so I think ok go back to being normal bubbly happy as he likes that not mardyness as he calls it
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Acts like a little boy. He is not interested in how you feel. He just wants you to pretend everything is OK. Be bubbly. Don't worry.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That's not real ! ! ! !

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

His behaviour naturally affects your feelings but he doesn't want to know.

Customer : I like him though as yest he was very like old self again n staring lovely but today I said starting gym he goes I am too like he copy's me in way, very confused as loads to say to him but like he don't want to talk I said if am BMA you should talk he goes ur n always will be ok
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There is a big difference between talk and action.

Customer : But when I pull away he comes again, I think he defo has soft spot for me as I can tell but he does mention my age lot, saying ur just tiny bit older n when u been gym for couple months u look 20 n really smile etc
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If pulling away helps, then you need to pull away a bit more.

Customer : I feel upset as I am thinking yeah likes me etc but maybe since argument I annoyed him n he pulling away from me do don't reply it's nothing bad just went gym mate doing good etcam unsure what to do of say now?? As today felt upset as thought done so much for u but yet nothing etc he admits. Crap at feelings
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Not mature enough for a real relationship.

Customer : But if I say let's go for drink canteen he goes can't busy etc likr he don't care I want to say what I think do he knows but may push him away for good :-(( but y do u think no reply to a simple nice text
Customer : He got gf of 3 years she lives at his lot but she his age
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If that is all it it takes to push him away then you don't really have anything but a superficial connection and you are making too much of it.

Customer : Do u think he still likes me or not??
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Like an office pal. He may have some fascination with your looks, but he probably thinks you are too old for him..

Customer : Well when argued he was upset as he said I upset him m he was all over me sahib no is connection but he don't like arguments and we have never argued we always have laugh y so upset n shocked but weird he gone bit off
Customer : U said before u thought he liked me
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is a bit emotionally unstable because he is immature. He likes you but he doesn't want to do anything about it because of your age difference, because of he talk in the office and because he has gf.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have left the chat.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I hope that I have helped you over the past several days.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Please give me positive feedback for my time and professional assistance.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I wish you well in your quest and shall keep you in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott

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