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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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hi, i am a single lady and came to manchester for my master.

Resolved Question:

hi, i am a single lady and came to manchester for my master. i met this guy that is married and he tells me he loves and spends practically everyday with me. The wife is so nice and don't wanna be a bad person but i lack the will to do the right thing plus we have kissed a couple of times but never sex. He tells me he loves me but can never sleep with me becuz he's married and that he can't help his emotions and how he feels towards me. what do you suggest i do
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this concerning and frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Form your words it seems your value and belief systems are incompatible with having an affair, right?

Customer:

yes

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If that is the case, then there would be no other respectful, mature and assertive option but to totally end this affair with this person, otherwise you would not feel good nor better with time, but more conflicted, guilty and coudl even develop depression, anxiety and any other problem because of it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, thank you for confirming it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It's obvious this person is very dishonest and does not care about his wife nor family, otherwise he would never be betraying her this way nor using you to please himself like he does.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You need to come o terms with the fact that unless you choose to take full responsibility for your own choices , feelings and actions, and happen to be consistent, respectful and caring with yourself, you would allow and enable this and other people to use, abuse, neglect or manipulate you,and that could never lead you to experience any real and healthy happiness, love, nor fulfilling in life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You need and deserve a person who happens to respect you before anything, to be honest towards you, since without those core requirements, it would be naive and self-sabotaging to believe such person does truly care or love you at all.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

yes it does

Customer:

so you suggest i cut of from the person

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good, then please do not perpetuate this affair any longer for you to take good care of yourself, or you would continue to be used and suffer even more, and his wife and family. I do not see any other healthy , responsible and assertive option here.

Customer:

thank you very much

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am afraid he would do his best to try to keep you attached to him, to manipulate you, even more as soon as he sees you going way, so please be very careful and get support from good friends or family, from somebody who happens to be healthy, caring and supportive, or you could relapse and get back into his manipulation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome

Customer:

thats so true

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please consider individual counselling or psychotherapy if you still have a hard time taking good care of yourself.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible, OK

Customer:

okay

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.

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