Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very concerning and frstrating situation.
Could you please tell me for how long you have been together, and based on what evidence he has accused you of betraying him?
How old is this person and could you clarify what you mean when you associate his need for support and his betrayal with other women?
Then that's his evidence to state that you were betraying him and his excuse to have these relationships with these other women? Or did you end the relationship by October-November of 2013 and it is in that period of time that he has had these other relationships?
According to your message he did not deny his words of love to one of them and said he was lying to the other woman, right?
Then I wonder how could you trust a person who presents these serious behaviors, or do you have a non-exclusive relationship, or ended the relationship before he started having these other relationships?
I am sorry but I cannot see how an adult could "search for love an security" by being unfaithful, and to justify such behaviors in that way is obviously very codependent, and could only enable further behaviors leek that. Do you have then a non-exclusive relationship?
I see. Thank you for clarifying.
Then in a month time he has already had at least two other women who he has been telling them he loves them very much, and you believe that these behaviors are a normal need for support and security?
I see, then if you have never been exclusive that means it should be fine for both of you to have other romantic and sexual partners, then what would be your biggest concern here?
If he is telling you that he still loves or wants to be with you while doing the same with other women, what is the problem, since you had a non-exclusive relationship, which ended last year?
I am sorry, it's a little confusing, if you said that you "never felt exclusive with him" what would be the problem, even more now that you are not in a relationship any more? Were you expecting to get back together and this time have an exclusive relationship?
I see, but even when his words tell you that you were exclusive, you never felt that way, and his actions show he has been with other women in this brief period of time since the relationship ended, then I do not see how a person who is this dishonest could meet your core needs and expectations at all.
Right, so he not only does not recognize past issues, but has engaged in these behaviors and also is telling you that he is not willing to deal with it because he is busy with his life situation, which is not incompatible with his relationships with those other two women to whom he told he loves them very much , right.
Grieving a situation like this is never easy but could you please explain how you justify grief with dishonesty and this type of romantic and sexual behavior,the energy and time has has to invest on these other women while refusing to work on the relationship you had?
I agree with your last statement, it seems clear that regardless the obvious reality, which is very painful, you have a hard time facing it and coming to terms with the fact that this person is not only unwilling to work on restarting your relationship and working on it, but that he has already started having these other relationships with these other women this fast.
Sorry could you explain what do you mean when saying you cannot expect him to fight for you because of his home situation? He is busy with his home situation for sure, and also with his other relationships, then what do you mean by that?
That seems to be the case here.
Then I do strongly suggest you to look for professional individual psychotherapy to work on coming to terms with reality, working on your own healing process and to effectively cope with the challenges your present situation presents, having necessary tools and support.
Real answers, correct ones are always without ourselves, and other people if helpful, could only facilitate the process of becoming more aware of them.
I think that would be a consistent necessary action if what you expect is to start your healing process and to grow from it instead of attaching even more to this person and to fuel any further codependent dynamic between you.
Sorry I mean: "Real answers, correct ones are always WITHIN ourselves"...
You're very welcome.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.
Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.