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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I ve been seeing someone on/off over 3yrs,he is d boss of my

Customer Question

I ve been seeing someone on/off over 3yrs,he is d boss of my deceased husband.something always draws me back to him despite him coming nd goin ..he says he loves me nd is currently tryin to get regular access to his kids,this leaves him prone to depression.. I ve told him I can nt keep letting him in as I hit rock bottom when he just stops communicating and seeing me. even his son from his first relationship has warned me not to take his crap but I m not sure if hes saying this as he wants a rekindling of his mother nd fathers relationship?this man has a strong connection with his ex partner u would nearly say they are a married couple nd constantly ring /talk..i wonder why they broke up..i feel I m just a showpiece on his arm once a week nd regular sex..what should I do..
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help in this situation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It seems that he is crushing your spirit by his lack of regard for your feelings.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He has not seriously broken off with his "ex" partner and is not putting much energy into his new relationship.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You instincts that he is using you are probably correct.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The son warned you, probably because he has some regard for you and knows how his father is treating you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He has a way of controlling you, and perhaps other people, and perhaps has more need for control and admiration than for actual affection.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is he capable, do you think, of having real empathy for others? For really caring about how others feel?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You may respond by typing back. Can you see what I am writing to you?

Customer:

hi ellliot, yes I do think he cares or it may be guilt is the reason why we are together...as I ve said he was my husbands boss,my husband passed away 8 yrs ago,suicide ..they were close and my husband s last request was for him to watch over me and my children

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is not watching over you by driving you to despair.

Customer:

true, I ve told him how I feel and that tis is the last chance for us..i m just so lost and miss what I had wit my husband

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am afraid that you will not find what you have lost with this man. He cannot successfully handle his own life situation and does not have what it takes to nurture you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Perhaps it is time to look elsewhere. You cannot keep repeating the same painful scenarios without end. Sometimes the only thing to do is to break the cycle by trying something totally new.

Customer:

tried last summer and was with someone younger for about 5mths,similar pattern he I felt was using me..d other man got back in contact when he heard we had finished..the younger man had no future prospects I m getting materialistic in my old age lol

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will never get from this man what you had with your husband. You are not looking in the right place. You seem to be at the end of the line. He is not the only secure man around. You can have a man of substance who is well grounded, who appreciates your beauty and charm, and who will adore you as his precious one.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are many men out there. The younger one was fun, but not who you are looking for.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You haven't tried very hard. It is much too soon to give up now.

Customer:

if I could mix the two men together they would have been d ideal man..i m so alone at times it is painful..i see my children growing and in relationships themselves ..I yearn for happier times

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will have to search for a man one way or the other. There are eligible bachelors out there would would find you a great catch. Please don't let yourself fall into despair. Take action, whether it is joining the right organization or club, or online service, or taking a singles cruise. Your dream man is out there and you must make yourself available.

Customer:

thank you Elliott for your help

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It has been my honour to help. I shall keep you in my prayers for success.

Customer:

thank u

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so welcome. :)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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