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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I just dont have anyone else I can share this with, at the

Resolved Question:

I just don't have anyone else I can share this with, at the weekend we went to my husbands friends house who he also works for. We had a good night and lots of drinks his wife and my husband went to bed and we both carried on drinking, he told me he was not very happy in his relationship which I could understand as they are the complete opposites. I told him he is a lovely bloke and that if i was single or unhappy in my relationship I would gladly go out with him. What i did not realise is that he has always liked me and as we were drunk I didn't think anything of it by the way nothing happen. I told him that I meant what I said but was very happy with my husband and there was no way I would leave him.
I went to bed the next day I was so worried that he would say something to my husband, I know I told him I liked him but nothing would ever happen between us. Anyway after worrying for the past couple of days he phoned me yesterday asking if i meant what i said I said I did he's a great bloke but that I would never leave my husband for him, I am worried as he is his boss and his good friend. He said he can't stop thinking about me but again I said I was happy and never leaving my husband for him, he said he would never say anything to him about this.
I don't know if it was because he feels so low in his relationship that it just made him feel special, I'm not sure.
I'm just worried something will be said and feel physically sick about it all I wish I never said anything
Please tell me I'm just paranoid about this, I don't have anyone else to talk to who isn't close to both of us that I could trust to not say anything
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I'm very sorry to know about this stressful situation.

Customer:

could you answer my question please

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Answering your question, I'll say that your anxiety is pushing you to become this overwhelmed out of fear about what could happen. But I do not think you did anything wrong, you were just being nice and supportive, and clear about your boundaries and fidelity to your husband.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You are not aware that this person liked you that much, you were just being friendly and empathetic, then please do not torment yourself about it, since that would only undermine your mental health and harmony in your marriage and life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have your suffered of anxiety before?

Customer:

I think so I do tend to worry about a lot of things, but as I said I'm so worried he will say something to my husband although he said he wouldn't he would be stupid if he did as I have made it clear, and yes I had no idea he has always liked me I wish I had never opened my big stupid mouth

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Situations like this do happen a lot and as long as clear and healthy boundaries well set there should not be any issue. As you said it would make no sense for him to talk to your husband about it. So, please, do not torment yourself because of what happened you did not do anything wrong, you acted in a mature and empathetic way and that's it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

yes but I'm still paranoid and worried, i wish i just hadn't said anything

Customer:

how can people view this?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But it already happened, now you need to be proactive taking good care of yourself and to continue enjoying your marriage. If you still find yourself feeling overwhelmed by this situation, please consider individual counseling or psychotherapy for you to be able to process this stressful situation and do learn how to manage your anxiety, so you could effectively cope with this situation and with any other that may affect your mood or health related to anxiety. Counseling and psychotherapy are totally confidential, so you don't have to worry about any trust issues when talking about this situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Anxiety could create this and other tough situations and that's why it is important to learn how to reduce and manage it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do you have any further questions that I may help you with?

Customer:

What if he says something my husband will go mad at me for even saying anything like that to him am I best to deny everything

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then, the best approach if you feel fearful about that is to tell your husband what happened, being totally honest and opened about it. That would be consistent with the respect, love and trust that you have to each other and end any further anxiety about it.

Customer:

no that couldn't happen they have been friends for years and work together a big no no

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then you have to choose what you want to do or tell him in one hand or not to tell him and work on your anxiety problem, if necessary with counseling or psychotherapy support.

Customer:

thanks

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.

Customer:

bye

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye. Take gentle care.

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