Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know about this distressful and frustrating situation
Could you please tell me more how your present changes to "suit her needs" have worsen your marital life?
You mean your marital relationship was much better before when you were not a good husband/partner?
I see, then how did you become aware of it and decided to change and make these improvements?
I see. Thank you. Then it was from this episode-crisis that you started working on making changes in yourself, but these positive changes have not helped at all but pushed your wife away from you?
Once you became aware of these limitations and faults in your actions towards your wife and children in the past, and decided to make improvements, did you apologized to her?
This specific issue could happen, mostly because the resentment, frustration, sadness , lack of fulfilling and other negative feelings from the past start arising and the person, in this case your wife, allows herself to be more open, honest and direct, releasing what she repressed for that long, what could back fire.
This is why it is so important for a person in your shoes to take full responsibility for past mistakes and limitations, even when you did not have a negative intention, but once you became aware of the pain they caused, you know it is necessary to show that it was not your intention to wound them, and that now that you are learning about it, choose to commit to make things better, once you know it is necessary and that they deserve it too.
I do suggest you to be very patient with your wife, she may be reacting in this way as a way to release negative feelings and emotions from the past as I just explained, which s necessary, unhappily she is not doing it in healthy ways, and that's why I believe she needs to forgive not to forget what was not good from the past, and for her to work on it, she needs to clearly see how much you regret your past mistakes, truly apologize and are totally willing to continue making real improvements to gain back her respect, love and trust.
I do not know for how long you have been facing this tough challenge, but if you see that it is taking too long for her heal from the past and enjoy the present with all the positive changes, please consider individual and marriage therapy as the ideal sources of support each of you as individuals ans as a couple to work on healing and rebuilding your relationship. It would not be easy but it seems necessary and absolutely worthy, since both of you would grow from it, and your children would also benefit from it.
Does it make sense?
Thank you for replying.
I am sorry to know about her loss
Then all these factors have played a key role impacting your marital situation
and I can see you truly care about her, love her and are able and willing to continue working on yourself and the relationship to promote healing, trust and happiness.
Yes, that's very wise and necessary. I'd rather say that supporting and loving her requires you respecting her boundaries , limits and preferences too, being that understanding, sensitive and empathetic, would ensure the best possible experiences and improvements.