Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very distressing and frustrating situation.
The scenario you describe is very clear, showing how much your girlfriend suffered in her marriage in ways that could only happen when love and attachment get deeply distorted, to the point they become destructive, very abusive and violent, mentally, emotionally and physically too. What is much more alarming here is that regardless of all the abuse and violence involve, causing so much pain and suffering in her life, she did always got back with him...
Thank you for joining the chat
I believe the fact he left was a unique chance for her to have a break from such a nightmare, but that her wounding, with the distorted affection and attachment are still very fresh, and you just started dating after he left, what makes things very challenging here , and your concerns and fears realistic based on their chronic pattern of always getting back together regardless the serious issues they have had in all those years.
I believe you are a real blessing in her life, and that she can see you really care about her, there is no doubt about it from your words, but that time is necessary for her to work on her rehabilitation process from what has been distorted in her, so she could truly heal, grow and make necessary improvements from it.
Nothing can guaranty she would not get back to him as soon as past factors reappear, but you cannot base your life and relatiosnship on the past or the future, but only focus on working on the present , making of it real, healthy, fulfilling and enjoyable. Then time would empower your affection, attachment, passion and promote her rehabilitation and growth processes, as long as she allows an d actively commits to it
Does it make sense?
Yes it does, thank you. She has told me a few times that even if we weren't together and he came back looking to reconcile with her that she wouldn't, that she has learnt so much in the past 5 months and simply couldn't go back down that road again....but we won't know i suppose until he comes home!!
You're welcome. It is very good to know that she has been able to acknowledge and make this commitment with herself to not get back to this abusive and destructive person.
But it is only time what will show how well things evolve, now you can and should only focus on building this relationship as good as you can.
Has she got individual counseling or psychotherapy to work on her rehabilitation process?
Oh yes, she has done so much to help her with her emotional healing. She attends reikki once a month and this has helped her no end. He has wrecked her emotionally, she gets easily stressed and would sometimes shut me out...but in fairness she always recognises this and apologises. She has had family trouble lately too but i've been there for her through it all and she is very appreciative of it.....you think its worth hangin around then? :-)
You are the only one who could answer that question, since it depends on what and how you feel towards her, the affection and trust, hope and resilience you have to cope with all the present and future challenges. Some people in the same situation feel the can and want to afford the risks and challenges it would take, while others would feel overwhelmed by it.
Then it really depends on your feelings, personality, resilience, what and how much you are willing to afford here.
I have no intentions of letting her go....i love her too much and i suppose i just have to believe her when she says that i'm "the one" now and not him. People have told her before she met me her eyes looked dead....but she has now become a new person this past 5 months, i can see it myself when i look at her old pics and you can see a sparkle in her eye now....she's a very beautiful girl......her family think the world of me and treat me so well....but i guess they just see the difference in her and that she is now being treated the way she deserves to be treated
That sounds really wonderful, and I fully support you, feeling the way you feel and hope, makes it absolutely worthy for sure.
Great. Thanks a million for your help....it's a relief to finally get chatting to someone about it. I suppose she does see me in her future otherwise we wouldn't be going on hols in 4 weeks or away for her birthday in August :-)
You're very welcome. I feel glad to know it has helpful.
Absolutely! Please enjoy every minute in this relationship, and that would always make it worthy.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.
I will..thanks. Take care
Thanks. You too.
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