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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi my problem is with a friend who is a girl. The relationship

Resolved Question:

Hi my problem is with a friend who is a girl. The relationship has started to become awkward as people have told her that I fancy her, however, this is not the case. Anyway, I just want to remain friends with her, but she believes that I want to date her, and this is ruining our relationship. What should I do, before we stop speaking altogether, as we used to be very good friends?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know bout this very sad and frustrating situation.

Customer: Ok
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do you know why these different people have been telling her that?

Customer: As they think it is funny, as it makes the relationship awkward
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do these people dislike you or had problems with you; are jealous, just immature or with bad intentions?

Customer: I think they are just immature
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But they are well aware of how this has been undermining your friendship, so why they kept it that way?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, chronologically young people too?

Customer: Yes, ok
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have you confronted them and be direct about the issue and discuss with her everything about it?

Customer: No, I haven't spoken to her about it
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If these people are immature to the point of doing that, how could your good friend believe them, even more when you were good friends?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Why not?

Customer: That is a very good question, maybe we weren't as good of friends as maybe I thought.
Customer: I haven't spoken to her about it as I don't want it to be taken the wrong way, and am nervous about the subject
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

So how do you know she thinks you want to date her?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

i think that if you are good friends and you truly want to protect and take good care of this friendship, you need to be totally honest and open towards her, otherwise your friendship could not be totally healthy and really close, and fulfilling, but it would be this vulnerable to misunderstanding, fears, doubts, what other people say about it and more.

Customer: Because of my good friends telling me that they have spoken to her about it, as she has asked them whether I want to date her of not
Customer: *or
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Obviously this friends of you are not that good or at least very immature, but you have a good friendship with her, then you should be open and honest towards her, otherwise it could never be a really good, healthy and mature friendship, and would get deeply undermined because of such vulnerabilities with scenarios like this.

Customer: Ok, so I need to speak to her about it
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely.

Customer: Ok, thank you very much for the advice and help
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If what you want is to keep and take good care of this friendship, you need to talk to her about it and clarify things, being %100 honest and open, direct and clear.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

Customer: Ok, thank you
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.

Customer: Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

and remember to rate session. Thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye for now.

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