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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5839
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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this is a life long problem that I am determined to bring an

Resolved Question:

this is a life long problem that I am determined to bring an end to once and for all...people in general "invalidate"me. At present I meet a group of people for a meal once a week, and one woman is always putting me down in a variety of ways. I have never been able to retaliate and hit back at bullies, unless I reall reall loose it and become as bad as the invalidators are...some good books on the subject maybe...I know I allow them to do this....how can I shut the bbbbs up!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.

When you deal with someone that won't stop bullying you, one of the best ways to deal with it is to confront that person. For example, if this woman says something insulting to you, there is nothing wrong with saying back, "That was pretty harsh. Is there a reason you are putting me down?". That usually shuts the other person up because bullies tend to do what they do because the are unchallenged and because they have very poor self esteem. By insulting someone else, they hope to feel better about themselves. But once you challenge them, they tend to back off.

Here are some books to help you learn more ways to deal with bullies:

Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them Without Becoming One of Them by Jay Carter

Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your life by Sam Horn

You may also want to work on increasing your self esteem so you can protect yourself better through feeling good about who you are. Here are some resources to help:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/how-to-raise-your-self-esteem/

Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay Ph.D. and Patrick Fanning

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi

I hope this has helped you,
Kate







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