Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating and concerning situation.
Hello. Thank you for being here.
Yes my partner is such a lovely person, but it seems obvious that you cannot force someone to take on your religion overnight! It is common sense.
Could you please tell me for how long have you been married, how long ago religion became a problem in your marriage and if when you decided to get married you discussed and agreed your position around your religious beliefs and values, and how you were going to live together having different worldviews?
We have lived together for six months. My partner wishes to marry me. I am 60 and he is 40. He wishes me to take on his religion.
Absolutely. it is about common sense, and it is about maturity. The problem is that when a person is mentally blinded by fanatic beliefs, dogmas, stereotypes, or any other unhealthy/limited not assertive view of reality, common sense becomes distorted too leading to intransigent and abusive positions, expectations and behaviors.
I see. Thank you. Then it is a young relationship, but he expects you to join his religion, but obviously you do not believe nor feel comfortable with that at all, since you are a unique individual with your own and different worldviews.
He does not seem to be all that committed to his religion all the time. Its just now and then he says he would like to say his prayers a bit more although his work schedule obviously comes into this! Apparently Muslims are supposed to pray five times a day. He does have an intense knowledge of religion in general though and I do admire that. However, I believe we should allow everyone the freedom to follow their own beliefs, and not impose our beliefs upon them.
For a relationship to develop and grow as a healthy and mutually fulfilling experience-reality, both partners must share the same core values and totally compatible belief systems. That means that you could have different religions, but the core values, principles and morals leading your behaviors and lives must be the same for the relationship to be healthy and fulfilling. But if one partner does not respect the other's belief system ,and does not agree with its core values, then the relationship could never really evolve.
Absolutely, I do not hold his view of the after-life, or that we are all going to be burned in boiling hell-fire unless we follow the commandments of Allah. he believes that Allah holds non-believers in some kind of grace, and recognises that they are essentially good and do good things, but will suffer the fires of hell eventually.
Also, sexual fulfillment is essential in most long term relationships, and being non-fulfilled in this area uses to significantly limit and undermine relationship in the long run. So you have mentioned two core areas in your relationship that are not truly working as they should, that have been and would continue to significantly limit its capacity to grow and become a fully healthy happy and mutually fulfilling experience in the present and in the long run.
I see. If you have directly confronted his behavior-expectations or demand for you to believe what he believes, and shows inability and unwillingness to understand and respect you, your worldviews, values and individuality, I do not see how your relationship could develop nor grow, once it shows incompatibility between in this core area.
Also the sexual issue is very concerning.
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The over-riding thing is that Muslims and indeed other religions seem tthink that only they are correct in thier views, that only their religion is valid, and that the rest of the world is mis-guided. There is no tollerance.
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However, I take on board your comments which have been most usefull. A mature person could see that you cannot impose a new religion and set of beliefs on another. He asserts that he loves me with all his heart, but that behaviour is not love, it is manipulation and perhaps abuse! And together with the serious sexual problem, there is much room for concern.