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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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my boyfriend broke up with me today, he doesnt think things

Customer Question

my boyfriend broke up with me today, he doesnt think things can be sorted out but i think they can be, what do i do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Depending on what broke you up, this could be a very fixable situation or a long term issue that needs more work. But there are some things you can try to keep the relationship going until you can address what broke you up.

In order to repair your relationship, you may want to try to connect with him emotionally. Apologize to him, even if it was not your fault. Say you are sorry for hurting him and whatever else you may have done to be a part of the situation. That way, he can let down his guard and talk to you. And ask him what you can do for him right now. Focus on his needs so he feels cared about and knows you care. You can address whatever caused you to argue later after you are open to communicating to each other.

You may also want to express your feelings through non verbal ways especially if he will not talk to you right now. Try sending him a card telling him that you are sorry for what happened and want to repair the situation. A card or letter is very personal, more so than an email or text because it shows effort and it is done in your handwriting. That tends to trigger more of an emotional response for someone who receives it.

Remind him of the good times you had together. He needs to see that even though he is upset now, there were good times between you as well. And even if the break up was not your fault, this will help you both start talking again. You can talk to him about your feelings later and settle whatever the argument was about.

If he says he needs time, allow him that time. But that does not mean you have to let him go. Try to stay in touch through texting just to say hi and/or offer encouraging words.

Once you to connect, then bring up the issue that broke you apart. Talk about ways you can communicate with each other without it escalating into an argument. For example, try the technique of letting each person have their time to say what they feel for at least a minute or two. Then the other person repeats back in their own words what they heard then adds their own thoughts. This can help you both be heard by the other person and work out your issues in a more productive way.

Here is a resource that can help you both:

Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict by Jonathan Robinson

I hope this has helped you,

Kate









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