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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2804
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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My partner divorced 27 years ago I met him 10 years ago we

Customer Question

My partner divorced 27 years ago I met him 10 years ago we have lived together for this time.
Son & Daughter to his first wife son has been a source of trouble during this time.
I have tried for my partners sake but he is so rude with no manners.
I have put up with him telling me that he is far too busy to come to visit his father during life or death heart operation and his manager would not understand this. !
also walking in (my house) and going through our wardrobes looking for his suite he left a year previous.
Also buying us presents out of the charity shop for Xmas etc. he is on 70k per year. However I have no stooped to his meaness and bought him beautiful presents each year even encouraged his father to buy for him while we have been away.
Coming in my house having a meal, not saying thank you.
Coming t my daughters wedding, not buying a present or even sending a card he was invited and some of my own direct family were left out because of the numbers etc.
My Partner always rewards him with a present or card or money but never brings him to task. The reason being he would probably never see him again and does not want to go back to the way they were when we met. (MY daughter & I got their relationship
together before this he had left their Xmas presents on the step of where they lived.
Today final straw I have had enough of him we received a letter saying he was getting engaged to his partner and tells us please do not call her Charlotte anymore because this upsets him!!!!! they want us to call her Lottie!
Why could he not pick up the phone like a man and tell his own father he was getting engaged.
Please help me I will never get this sorted unless I get somebody else to look at this
This is just an abbreviated version of all of this. Do you think he is trying to break the 2 of us up.

Thank you.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.

Coach Jen K. :

Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Coach Jen K. :

These situations are extremely frustrating and can cause a lot of stress but this guy is a grown man..bad manners and all and you get to decide when and how to deal with him. Changing him at this point seems unlikely.

Coach Jen K. :

so while it frustrates you and causes harm between you and your partner I believe the best thing you can do is put your boundary down when you need to and let other things go when you know there will be no benefit as he will not respond.

Coach Jen K. :

Clearly there are long standing relationship issues here between he and his Dad and that space between them can only get worked out between them so if your partner decides to do nothing about it then you will be spinning your wheels and banging your head on the wall.

Coach Jen K. :

you have been wonderful all these years to him and dont respond with the same rudeness but you can have a boundary for what works for you.

Coach Jen K. :

"pushing" your partner to see all this with his son most likely will be a losing battle for you...he has his own feelings around it all and deals with it how it works for him. so the less strife between the two of you around this the better.

Coach Jen K. :

Seems like you are unable to see this chat. I will switch to Q and A forum

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
Are you able to see this? I just got notification that you responded but no reply has come through. Let me know. I am here.
Jen

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