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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hi, Customer: This is getting more and more difficult, its

Resolved Question:

Hi,
Customer:
This is getting more and more difficult, its is virtually as if I dont exist, I send her texts that go unanswered and emails that just hang. i dont know how to communicate with her. Nothing seems to work, I am frightened to have a one to one with her at the moment because all I expect to get is sell the house...I need some way of getting through that wall to her to tell her how much she has been through and that I have been there, but like you said she is so angry I cant get through to her, there is effectively no us. I really dont want to see this end but I cant see a future if she doesnt start to talk to me. or acknowledge that there is a problem and that there are lots of issues involved here. I really do despair I dont know what to do...I long for her back.
Customer:
She seems so cold to me, if only there was a one liner that got her attention such that I could then follow it up. the comments that you have put in above would they be ok to put in an email to her. I am virtually frighten to say anything for fear of upsetting her, in the past I felt that she was waiting for me to fail and could then say told you so.. this is a really hard one.. everyone is saying that it is too far gone and all I get from her is too late damage done.. I'm not sure how many opportunities I will have left to talk to her before she leaves me,,
Customer:

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Customer:
I am so sorry but all I am getting is that she needs her space to rebuild her life. And that i am the reason for her unhappiness
Customer:
I am at the lowest possible point ever really don't know what to do
Customer:
I am willing to try anything but I think the odds are against me. I know that she is not in
Customer:
Involved with any one else, so I really do need to do something really amazing.
Customer:
She does want space and feel that I can not support her in this as i would manipulate and wrong. Do my question is how do I support her
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.

Dear XXXXX :

I wanted to share this web site with you because I feel it will really help you understand what she is going through and how to help her through this process. He emotions are going in so many directions and even though she feels you might the the cause of her unhappiness, I do not feel she understands her emotions right now. It is hard for her to know the difference in what she is going though and what she truly feels. She is just as confused as you. She is trying to figure out why she all of a sudden feels this way, but she is also trying to figure out what her next step is in her life. She feels that if she takes that space she will begin to heal, but that is not true, she needs to resolve her issues with you in order to feel better. She can not run from all theses issues, she has to talk about them, so that she can understand them. It is important to know the changes your body is going through. Women do not always understand why they feel the way they do when they begin to start menopause and it takes time to understand this new you. She is becoming a different person, but you also have to accept this new person and learn how to understand who she is now. Your love for each other is there but she is just having trouble understanding herself. You need to ask her to stay. http://menopause.about.com/od/copingwithmenopause/a/Helpful_Spouse.htm

Customer:

I have asked her to stay but she wants space away from me she has called me manipulative and controlling, told me that she is finished with me. I gave her two weeks but she is not content. She didnt want me to come home at all.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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