Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
Please give me a couple of minutes to read your message for me to understand your situation and core concerns.
I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating and distressful situation.
I can see why you feel this frustrated and perhaps why you got so attached to this person.
On one hand there is an unconscious factor, based on how physically people could feel attracted to another, regardless of how much you know that person or your opinions about him, it's something that happen at a physical level that bypasses your intellectual mind.
This way people could feel a strong attraction that would not require their mind's permission to be experienced. Then if you allow yourself to become vulnerable and trust that person a little bit, that would fuel further attachment, hopes and expectations, feelings and needs around that person.
The other factor is what the person does to actually get your attention and get closer, to gain your trust and access to you, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually.
This person's behavior show lack of maturity, poor communication skills, and problems developing healthy relationships, since while you allowed him access to share with you in physically and emotionally intimate ways, he then showed lack of respect, sensitivity, reciprocity because of what was shared, but acted out his own unresolved personal issues using sarcasm, avoidance,not being truly honest and open towards you.
Then you allowed yourself to get intimate for another couple of times, but his pattern remain the same. This is why I think it could have not been the best option for you to get that close that soon without knowing him better, since his concrete actions show maturity and personal problems, that clearly undermine his ability to play a healthy role in adult relationships.
Thank you for being here.
i can see you are online and joined the chat.
Thank you so much for your response
You're very welcome.
I really needed some expert advice as I've been given opinions by family and friends, all saying that he has issues and that he would never make me happy, however you have given me expert advice which is very useful and gives me a better insight into the situation
I can see how you have always tried to be very nice, open, and willing to share...
Yes I'm half Latin and I naturally have that openness from my mum. I actually put this guy's attitude towards me down to him not liking my personality
I do not know you nor this person, but the very behaviors you depicted show how you have been doing a good job offering your trust, vulnerability and affection to this person, while he has neglected and been insensitive towards you, which is very frustrating, concerning and sad.
Do you think that it would have made a difference in the long run if I hadn't shared any intimacy with him?
As in, would he have treated me better?
If a person this soon into sharing shows this pattern, it becomes very concerning, since it is supposed to be the phase when people do their best to get your attention, but he has already been acting out this painfully, which does not show any good potential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
I think that could have made a difference, but it would not have changed the core nature-issues he has presented
A person who truly respects and cares about you would show gratefulness and reciprocity, never this immature and insensitive behavior
Ok so does that mean that if he meets someone he cares about that his behaviour would change?
I do not think he would do that unless he first works on his core personal issues, only then he would be able to share at a mature level in relationships.
Ok thank you very much for all your help. You have been extremely helpful
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.
You can contact me using this direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/ , just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.
Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.
Thank you so much. If I think of anything else to ask I will use the link you have provided.
I will be glad to support you as needed.
Thank you again for your trust.
and please remember to rate session.
If I provide a rating now can I still contact you via that link?
Sure you can.
Have a great day