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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi there, my girl ended our relationship after a night out

Resolved Question:

Hi there, my girl ended our relationship after a night out with the girls! This is the third time! She exploded,shouting and screaming at me because I asked why she was so late,the third time she has been late! She started getting physical with me so I held her wrists to stop her! She threatened me with police ! I have not heard a word from her in a month! She really over dramatized things and starts fights for no reason! Starting to think she has bpd! Can you help
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this shocking and perhaps overwhelming situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me for how long were you dating and if you have have other issues in your relationship besides of this serious one?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

While I wait for your response I could say that the behaviors you described here are very shocking, since they show a person who appears to be very dysfunctional, unstable, abusive and violent, unable and unwilling to acknowledge her own issues and mistakes, nor to take responsibility for her feelings, choices and actions.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

She seems very dramatic and manipulative, and that could in fact match with your fears about her having BPD.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I believe you are wise not pushing her at all, it would not help but enable further abuse. Obviously her retaliation and acting out could just continue the same or get worse with time, but there is nothing more you can do about it. She already knows how you feel, and knowing your concerns and how you got back together in the past after same episodes, she would expect you to go for her, and codependently engage and enable her again even more, which is somehting I'd never suggest anybody in your shoes to do.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think she need professional psychological support to work on her serious mental health-personality problems, but unless she chooses to recognize her problems, and take responsibility for them, she would never really improve, nor even consider therapy, but you'd still have to take good care of yourself, and choose what you really want to afford or not, while being totally mindful about reality, and the pros and cons of your main options.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I'd like to suggest this book as a very helpful guide on issues like this:


Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder


http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389507041&sr=1-3

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust.

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

I am very sorry to know about this shocking and perhaps overwhelming situation.

Could you please tell me for how long were you dating and if you have have other issues in your relationship besides of this serious one?

While I wait for your response I could say that the behaviors you described here are very shocking, since they show a person who appears to be very dysfunctional, unstable, abusive and violent, unable and unwilling to acknowledge her own issues and mistakes, nor to take responsibility for her feelings, choices and actions.

She seems very dramatic and manipulative, and that could in fact match with your fears about her having BPD.

I believe you are wise not pushing her at all, it would not help but enable further abuse. Obviously her retaliation and acting out could just continue the same or get worse with time, but there is nothing more you can do about it. She already knows how you feel, and knowing your concerns and how you got back together in the past after same episodes, she would expect you to go for her, and codependently engage and enable her again even more, which is somehting I'd never suggest anybody in your shoes to do.

I think she need professional psychological support to work on her serious mental health-personality problems, but unless she chooses to recognize her problems, and take responsibility for them, she would never really improve, nor even consider therapy, but you'd still have to take good care of yourself, and choose what you really want to afford or not, while being totally mindful about reality, and the pros and cons of your main options.

Does it make sense?

I'd like to suggest this book as a very helpful guide on issues like this:
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389507041&sr=1-3

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust.
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