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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 417
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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Hi. Me and my husband have been in a long distance relationship

Customer Question

Hi. Me and my husband have been in a long distance relationship for nearly 4 years now, 2 years as a married couple. And 5 months ago, he told me he doesnt love me anymore. So i went home to see him in order to sort this out. But still, it didnt turn out right as his feelings were still the same, he keeps insisting there is no love at all as i was too controlling, and all the words i burst out every time we fall out during marriage were very hurting. He said he doesnt want to have that feeling again. I did everything i could, i served for him and i apologised from the bottom of heart. I pleaded i begged. But he stil
Refused to make it work. Now am back abroad, and i dont know what to do being in a long distance again. Please help .
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 2 years ago.
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though.

I have some questions to ask first though. What are the root causes of your descension? What does he mean when he says you are too controlling? What do you mean by "the words that burst out"? Why the long distance? Would this work better if you were closer? Is that a possibility?

I really do want to help you but these questions might help me do that. Any other information might be helpful as well.

Thank you!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I fight with him all the time for simple reasons.. I swear at him amd shout at him when i get angry.. Almost everyday i fight with him for simple reasons.. When he feels too sleepy to talk to me on the phone, when he doesnt like what i like, when he hangs out late with friends. But i regret all this now and i asked for another chance.. But he wont give me.. Am in the UK and he is in Malaysia., my home country.
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 2 years ago.
Part of the problem is the distance. Long distance relationships are difficult at best. If there were any way to reduce or eliminate the distance issue, that would be a step toward reunification. As for the issue at hand, actions speak much louder than words. He needs to know you mean business and words will not do that. Once again your presence would be much more effective than trying to show change over long distance. If you can't resolve the distance issue, here's what I think you might try.

First of all, make sure he understands your regret for your anger and mistreatment. Acknowledge the pain you have caused him and your fault in the matter. Tell him you are sorry.

Secondly, accept the consequences if your behavior. You have accepted the blame. Now accept the results. You have hurt him and because of that he is not happy with you. Let him know you understand why he is upset and that you do not expect immediate results. Tell him you are not asking for immediate forgiveness but that He only give you a chance to prove your change.

Last of all, do something about your anger. Enroll in anger management classes or individual counseling. You need to get to the bottom of your anger issues and resolve the underlying issues., It is also important you discover the triggers for your anger and how you might relate differently to them.

Once you have dealt with the anger issue, you then can turn your attention toward rejuvenating your marriage. But only after you feel you have taken care of your anger issues.

Does that make sense to you? If not please ask any needed questions. I really do want to be a help to you.

Thank you,
John .
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I went home already for my hilidays and apologised deeply.. But he wouldnt take any if it.. Now we have no communication at all now that i am back to UK. He said he wanted us to move on and he has also said plenty of hurtful words when i went home for my holidays. He said he doesnt love me anymore and wants a divorce.
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 2 years ago.
Honestly, there is no other remedy other than possibly time. You cannot force him to try. I am sorry bu your only real optio. Is to respect his wishes. I wish I had more for you than that, but my experience has been the harder resists such sentiments the more difficult things become.
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 417
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We're married though and i still want to work things out. Right now we dont have communication at all. I dont even know if he misses me or not
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your positive feedback. I still say time is your best hope. Find a way to get him word that you care and hope things can work out. . Let him know that you are willling to do whatever it takes including giving him the time and space he desires. i cannot guarantee this will work, but i can almost guarantee you if you pressure him at this point it will only make things worse.

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