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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5821
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I got married in August 2012 but found out in October last

Resolved Question:

I got married in August 2012 but found out in October last year that our whole relationship had been based on lies as he had slept with someone else. This woman was my friend when I first met him but she did everything she could to split us up. I fell out with her about 3 years ago and warned him what she was like as she is a renowned relationship wrecker. He promised me he would have nothing more to do with her but I found out they were still mates. I believe him that he hasn't been having an affair with her. But when it all came out in October I was so angry I kicked him out. He managed to get a flat 5 days later, as he says he was convinced I would never give him another chance. I love him very much and regretted kicking him out so we have been trying to work things out, living in separate houses! It has been on and off so many times that my son and daughter are really fed up with me now. Anyway, last Thursday all had been going well when he suddenly told me he would never move back in with me. He said he loved the flat and he liked his own company! So we split, we said we would remain friends. I told him there would be no going back. In the past 2 days he is texting me asking me to work it out, saying he will give up the flat. Im SO confused and don't know what to do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your husband is confused about what he wants. As a result, he is going back and forth, telling you that he wants one thing then changes his mind and wants another. Because of this, you are being pulled in two directions, not sure where you stand with him and your relationship.

Because he is so confused and unsure of what he wants, it may be up to you to decide what you want instead. It helps to ask yourself some questions: Do you want to try again with him? And if you do, what do you need to happen in order for you to trust him again? Also, what do you need him to do to make things work out?

Once you decide what you need, then you can talk to him and tell him. He may react by following your direction and trying to work on the relationship. But if he does not, then tell him you would like to go to therapy with him. He especially needs the support and guidance of someone outside of the situation to help him find out what he wants and how to fix your relationship. However, if he will not go to therapy, go without him. You also need support and help deciding if you should try again with him or move on.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate






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