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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi Rafael can I chat to you follow our last chat? Kirsty

Resolved Question:

Hi Rafael can I chat to you follow our last chat? Kirsty
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello Kirsty. Sure, I will love to chat with you, but could you give me like 30 minutes, since I am with another customer right now?

Customer: Hi,
Customer: Oh ok, can we please make it 11.30 as I have an appointment at 11
Rafael M.T.Therapist :


Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I will be here waiting for you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good luck with your appointment and see you at 11:30

Rafael M.T.Therapist :


Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am ready to start whenever it works for you.

Customer: Hello
Rafael M.T.Therapist :


Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How have you been?

Customer: My husband is now seeing a therapist, and he is working through some issues
Customer: I an also doing my own thing more and I am much happier
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am glad to hear that

Customer: However I just don't feel like being intimate with him
Customer: And I don't know how to get that feeling back
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I understand, and that seems consistent with the way you feel about him and your marriage for so long

Customer: Yes
Customer: But part of me feels guilty for not doing it to please him
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You mean to feel better or to be able to feel what you have never felt in this marriage because of the way it started and the big differences between you?

Customer: I did use to enjoy the sex with him in the beginning
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please remember that a marriage is not about pleasing somebody while betraying yourself. but it should be about both of you truly feeling comfortable, happy, satisfied and fulfilled with each other because of the connection and compatibility you experience at multiple levels, otherwise it would never be truly healthy nor fulfilling.

Customer: Ok I understand
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Perhaps that was because you still did believe and have hope about how your marriage and live were going to evolve, but you did not truly know at that time that it was not going to work because of these core s differences/issues, right?

Customer: Yeah u are right
Customer: And I'm so tired all the time, I'm working 7 days a week, with little support and I just don't feel like giving him any.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Marriage therapy, if truly professional, would not force or push people to stay married if both do not truly feel well and happy with it, not have what it takes and the willingness, affection and passion, as well as the commitment to make it work, but would support the process of assessing reality and leading to necessary changes, including separation and divorce.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then you are pushing yourself too much, it's obvious you need to make significant improvements in your life style in order to take better care of your health and well-being, physically, mentally, emotionally and at any other levels.

Customer: I know but I am self employed, it's hard to turn work down!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, then it is necessary to carefully work on making necessary adjustments, setting your priorities in ways things work for you and not against you, being realistic, honest with yourself and proactive too.

Customer: Ok. I will make sure I take 1 day off a week
Customer: So, as he is working through personal issues, should I let him complete that before suggesting marriage guidance?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

That sounds necessary and wise, consistent with setting your health and well-being as top priorities.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, I totally believe he needs to work on himself, but you do not know if and how well he would do that, but you can ensure you work on yourself, ideally with professional support too, in order to know what you need, want and are willing to afford or not. Then marriage counseling would be beneficial as long as you get a truly competent expert, not to push anything but to support you on doing what you need to do as healthy, responsible assertive adults.

Customer: Ok. So can I keep chatting to you for my support?
Customer: Maybe I can buy the £11 month deal!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure you can, just remember that this interface is limited to general information only, is not counseling nor psychotherapy, we are not allowed to provide these service through this interface, which is a public forum.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do not know how would that work since I only have an expert and not a customer account, but know that the system limits the number of questions to subscribers

Customer: I think I would get 5 questions a month
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I rather suggest you to consider confidential counseling option, as n additional service offered through this website, but implemented through another interface, independent of JustAnswer.

Customer: Do you odder councilling away from this forum?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yes I do, and that's what I was describing before as additional services option.

Customer: Ok how do I do that? Private councilling with you
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It will allow you to get professional support through a confidential interface, which will include live chat adjusted to your schedule, sessions could go from 15 to 60 or 90 minutes, and free follow up. The cost is $70 per 60 minutes counselling session, and you could flexibly use that time.

Customer: Ok well let me think about it. Can you tell me how to initial this if I want it?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Oh, I am very sorry, I just realized that you are using the UK version of the website, which does not have additional services available :o(

Customer: Aww that's a shame. Any other ideas?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

These additional services are fully implemented through through US .com website

Customer: Oh dear.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am not allowed to offer direct support but restricted to this website here. I am sorry, but you're always free to look for the support you need online, anyway.

Customer: Ok. Well maybe I will chat to you soon then. Thanks
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

We could continue this way here, or you could try creating an account at, or look online for online integral counseling and psychotherapy services

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Take gentle care and keep working on yoruself

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thanks for your trust.

Customer: Ok will do thanks
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye for now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good! Bye

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