tell me how it went.
I am sorry for the delay..I wasnt alerted that you were requesting me so I am glad you stuck with it.
I will wait for you to come online so we can talk.
hey im here
thanks i was wondering what happened
glad you had patience.
ok so have you seen each of the questions?
one was more detailed
anyway its not as bad as they may make out
basically i got there and she was napping when i arrived
so i sat down
I have seen them. Sorry you kept having to list them since it took some time but try and ask only one as it will get reported as a duplicate
and she started cuddling me pretty much straight away
then we had a nice rest of the day after that
ok so far so good
and i ended up sharing her bed with her all week (with separate duvet)
so there was some cuddling in bed sometimes in the morning and night
nice but not enough I imagine
and she would generally ask for it
on saturday night we were having dinner with a few of her friends and at one point she stuck out her hand until i held it
then just kept holding it for a little bit
10 minutes max it must have been
is that after the first night i arrived, i didn't get to spend the time i thought i would be able to with her
as she was busy
ok and that is why you werent able to share your feelings?
then every night, we were around other people
you were hoping to have an opportunity?
hard for you I am sure
but i never really got it until the last night a few hours before i had to leave
and although the setting was right, she was stressed as she had been working all day and still needed to finish a lot of stuff
so it just wasnt happening
i tried to bring it on by telling her how happy i am for her and how worried i was when she was getting her operation,
i also asked if she would miss me
and when we would see each other again
which she said she would miss me but wasnt sure when we would see each other next
so what do you make of the cuddling and hand holding then?
she kept saying how she wants to live in new york for the rest of her life
i dont know!!
another thing is i think sometime after that, one of her friends who was at that dinner said something weird referring to the night before when we all went out
is she seeing if you would have said you wanted to as well?
she said something like so did you enjoy last night? i noticed you only had eyes for anna (my ex)
i dont know why she came out with that in front of anna
and it was really awkward i couldnt tell if she was joking or not
or if it was some stupid premeditated joke
yes awkward but she may have been trying to see how you would react so she could get a read on you and your desires.
because both of you are connected but neither of you are expressing your desires...I understand why but maybe you can now in an email?
yeah but what does she have to do with it? i met her briefly the night before and barely chatted to her after
whats the second part of that question?
women get a little jealous so she was teasing to see how you would respond
Anna didnt ask me
her friend did
in front of anna
yes so maybe she was trying to feel you out for anna?
i dont know
it just felt weird and awkward
and i tried to bring it up later when i was alone with anna
I understand that for sure. so how do you want to go about it now that you are apart again?
(and also i had just told her i didnt have a very good time with them) and she didnt really want to talk about it
ok well lets focus more on what you desire to do now
because we may not be able to figure out the motivation of annas friend
maybe the friend liked you...who knows
the other thing is anna kept making comments about london, and stuff about how she realised she wouldnt convert if someone asked her to
it comes down to whether you want to take a risk and put it all out in an email...not knowing the outcome
and kept making comments about how much more religious my family are
(that stuff mostly referring to me being jewish)
so dropping hints that you cant be together?
well it felt like it
as she is not jewish and that would be a problem for her?
it was in our last meal together before i left
i got mixed signals it was weird
well I see two options: do nothing and never know or put it out to her and take a risk and see how she responds. could you live in nyc?
i just felt if she had more free time and wasnt on antibiotics that things might have gone better
i could live there and i am dual citizen
but it all depends on circumstances
my business is based here
yes more time would have been nice. so the mixed signals are not giving you an easy time with what you want to do now
i still really want to be with her
and tell her how i feel at some point
but i wonder now whether the timing is off
And I know how hard it is for you to tell her because you want a clear signal from her but you might not get it
i feel like she is still on a bit of a high from moving to NY
so it comes down to will you put it out there anyway?
and at some point she will settle down more
i will at some point
how long she there?
she finishes her school there in December
but she wants to stay there and get a job
she has this semi serious joke about wanting to marry me for a visa
and thats a long time for you to keep the feelings inside
although i have a feeling i will see her either before or during the summer
will you initiate another trip there?
because she needs to sort out something in london and said she would pass through at some point
i would if i had the time and if it made sense
i dont know maybe i need to make some changes for her to like me again?
what do you think she feels based on what i told you?
I think she is trying to feel you out while making her needs known in terms of things like staying in ny
also she was really apologetic and felt bad that i had to spend so much time alone
but i kind of blew it off saying i was fine and how much i like my own company
said things like i am looking forward to going home etd
all the while keeping your real feelings in
lets play this out for a minute.....
the one time i wasnt happy was saturday night
and i let her know
which i sort of wish i hadnt
you tell her in an email all that you desire and one way or the other you get an answer and then you can proceed
but remember she wants nyc so if you cant entertain that as a possibility keep that in mind
i had already stressed to her earlier that i would like to do something alone with her that night and it seemed to be on the cards
then she had to go meet someone to study again and they ended up meeting a load of other girls at this place and she asked me to join
so the whole time i was sitting there listening to them talk either in swedish or english about stuff that was irrelevant to me
then she asked me after if i had a good time and i told her honestly no
not easy to sit around with a bunch of women...I feel for you. :-)
you are a good man
and i tried to discuss it more after but she just kept quiet
thats not the problem it was just that i really didnt want that and she knew it but it ended up happening anyway
I get it
she has a busy life there and very hard as you wanted more from her and with her
the other problem was that she was on her phone SO MUCH
its like she cant function without her social life
but one thing that was promising
and maybe she cant...meaning that she wants that life right now in nyc
was that a couple of the girls were single and looking for guys or seeing guys
that doesnt mean she doesnt want you but she may just be feeling her way through this new space
and she didnt really seem to have an interest in that
i know but couldnt she tame it down just a little while i was there?
friday we went out with a few of her friends
and while we were waiting for our table at dinner
I am sorry that she didnt so that you could have had more time together to just be and express
she asked me if i could go speak to the hostess to see if we moved things along
so i did and it got flirty and i am sure i could see her looking in my peripherals
after that, it felt like her attitude changed throughout the dinner
and we only ended up going out for one drink after as she felt ill so i took her home
and that tells you what?
then the next day she asked me if i was mad at her last night
and i said no
but i was just trying to have fun with everyone else and see what that would do
when she told me she was going home i went out for a smoke and she came with me and i didnt say much to her
(i was a little drunk and deciding whether i should stay or go)
i decided to go with her because it was pointless for me to be out if she wasnt there
and i wanted to make sure she was ok
i mean she was drinking on antibiotics so i think she actually did feel weird
I think you are both dancing around an issue and without communication this will continue.
anyway thats all the detail really
but how do you think she feels?
once you both open up the discussion even if the outcome isnt what you esire you will both feel better
i do really want her back
I think she stil loves you, loves her life in nyc, doesnt want to give that up, wonders what you feel
that is what it feels like to me
i was considering sending flowers to say thank you
should i? or is that too much
that is lovely of course!
(addressed to her roommate too)
and instead of an email i thought i would write her an actual letter
I like the letter...always nice
which is so cheesy and i have never done that before but i feel like i am on my last legs
but you know what i said about the timing?
its not cheesy...you are doing what you can to figure it all out
that she is still in the honeymoon phase of living there and at some point she will get back to normal?
like its all exciting for her and NY is a more sociable place than london
all possible but you want to wait through that?
i just wonder if i actually had any chance last week
so what do you want and what do you want to do about it?
and am also asking you if you think her feelings may change once she really settles in there
and isnt living a sort of novelty life
you know what i mean?
I dont hear that...I hear someone who loves it there and at this time believes she will stay.
thats not what i mean
will that change? hard to know but my gut says most likely not.
i mean her feelings towards me
I think she still has feelings for you....do i think that will change?
ok you think that but it didnt really feel like it to me while she was there
i mean while i was there
women dont cuddle and hold hands if we dont feel strongly for another
we would be much more closed to it
but do you think that once the novelty of living in NY has gone and she sort of 'comes back to earth' that she could act differently to me?
I would not hold hands and sleep in the same bed without deeper feelings
I think it is your perception that she will come down to earth so I am having a hard time answering that one.
yeah but do you not think that it was just nice for her as she knows she is comfortable round me and that i probably am not going to make any advances
i mean she will still want to live there, but just not be AS excited about everything NY has to offer as she is now
does that make sense
I can answer that by saying I would not even to be nice and if you were my ex then I would think you would make advances
I dont know that those feelings will wear off...too hard to tell. I know you desire that but almost impossible to predict
but i was also under the impression that i would be sleeping on the sofa all week
so anything better than that was a bonu
although as soon as i knew i was in the bed, i was hoping for something more
i would not have an ex visit me and i would not have them in my bed or cuddle or hold hands
of course...only natural
the cuddling wasnt long
i think we fell asleep cuddling one night
one of her friends texted her saying how could you break up with him he's so cute
and she told me
there was also a brief drink with that girl and her boyfriend where i started chatting to him and telling him what i do etc and i felt some attraction from her
and i was talking about his business with him and suggesting something to him
and we went outside for a smoke and she said how proud she is of me and how well she thinks i have done
(she has known me throughout the process of setting up my company etc)
unfortunately the company had to come first after a while
anyway where were we
lol we were on you and what you want to do
I am here
i dont know what i want to do
while i was in the cab to the airport i thought i would send her flowers then write a letter and send it when i feel ready
well then dont do anything at this point...sit with it all. send the flowers to her and see how you feel for a bit
but i wonder if i should just do the flowers and then wait till we start talking again
and just keep everything light until the next time i see her
Im fine with that...it is giving you some time to sit with your feelings and how you want to move forward
then show her a good time when she is here or having a better idea of what i want to do if i visit her in ny again and making sure we get that alone time and that it is good
i hope i havent put her off
yes and in the meantime in london..you do not stop your life and you have fun and be present with others
yeah i need to find new friends here...
ones that dont have longterm relationships and actually want to go out
and you can even date too!
i knew that already but anna told me that too and that made me feel less attraction on her part
because i havent done much but work since i had last seen her before NY
I am only saying that you cant stop your life
i am torn though
i am also inclined to write the letter
but what do you think
what about we make a plan about that. sit with it for a day or two...write a draft and then come here and we can talk about it.
but you definitely think there are still feelings on her side?
to me it sounds like it...the cuddling and sleeping in same bed...that is why I feel that
and the only time she held my hand, she initiated it and it was around 4 of her friends
do you think that is a sign
I just dont see a woman doing that if there arent feelings
because contrarily, it felt like when there was potential for a romantic moment that she was putting up a wall
and she might be because of the circumstances...you live in london and she in ny and nobody communicating about any feelings
i also considered messaging one of her friends and telling her to see if she can guage how anna feels
I am not a fan of that route
i wish my free week was during spring break
and not last week
because I am always a fan of direct communication and nothing else
am i right to feel insecure about this, or should i be worrying less
you feel insecure because of how strong your feelings are and because you dont know what she really feels. that is normal. go easy on yourself
one other thing is that she constantly kept referring to me as her ex, in general and around her friends too
and that is what you both are currently
which i think was something we spoke about last time no
it bothers me when she does that
I might let her know then what you feel more comfortable with
and she was asking about my other ex that lives in NY and said at one point maybe you guys were meant to me
she also said that me and this girl we both know in London would be good together
(not the first time she has mentioned that)
why would she do that
she says some things that dont make much sense...could be more testing. I truly dont know her motivations there...I can only help you figure out what works for you
you are my focus and helping you to find what works best for you
so you think i should draft the letter and send it to you first?
(also think about what i want to do the next couple of days)?
definitely draft it and if you feel comfortable to do so share it with me
of course i would
ok then I would love to see it
so maybe i will just come back when i have done that
and shall i just keep trying to get in touch like tonight?
yes I also want to mention that we now have the ability to offer you additional services here...no pressure to do so, just wanted to tell you about it. we could skype. and if that does not feel right then we stay in this way of communicating. either way I am here
i dont have to buy a membership to keep using the service do i?
no you do not. you can open up a new question as you did tonight and request me
and if for some reason it takes time like tonight, be patient as you were
so I will wait to hear from you?
ok yes, it could be tomorrow night or the night after
ok, I will look forward to it. so please once again offer a rating now and I will be here when you need.
thanks so much again Jen!
and if you desire the additional services you let me know and then the invitation to do so would be sent to you
my pleasure. take care of you. sit with your feelings and then write them down and bring them here
bye for now!
bye. get some sleep and thank you in advance for the positive rating