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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3246
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Can we chat? have a question about where to go next...

Resolved Question:

Can we chat? have a question about where to go next...

thanks,

ian
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 3 years ago.

Coach Jen K. :

Hi Ian, I am here and have about 20 minutes...tell me where things are?

Customer:

ok thanks

Customer:

she got the flowers

Customer:

and thanked me,

Customer:

but i dont know what to do

Coach Jen K. :

ok tell me what she said

Customer:

i havent responded to her

Coach Jen K. :

she sent a text?

Customer:

she said Shabbat Shalom and thanks for the pretty pretty flowers!

Coach Jen K. :

thats very nice

Customer:

(shabbat shalom is a jewish thing)

Customer:

that was yesterday

Customer:

i dunno i guess i was expecting more of a response

Customer:

and i was messaging her online the other night and i felt like i was the only one keeping the conversation going

Coach Jen K. :

I think her response was lovely but tell me what you desired?

Customer:

it felt like she didnt want to talk to me

Customer:

so i just left it

Customer:

friday night it was

Coach Jen K. :

as best you can try not to read into each thing and assign meaning

Customer:

i know i just cant help it

Coach Jen K. :

I know I truly know...I feel for you but it i hurting you when you do that

Customer:

i feel like i should message her and tell her i am glad she liked them and that they were really just for her then maybe ask how she is?

Coach Jen K. :

I might write back I am so glad you liked them...it was great to be there.

Customer:

is that it?

Coach Jen K. :

simple

Customer:

ok

Coach Jen K. :

I think when you read stuff into things then you push for an answer and that doesnt help you

Customer:

i know

Coach Jen K. :

so if you desire to know more then send her your beautiful letter

Customer:

its just how i am feeling at the moment

Customer:

and i am still scared about the letter

Coach Jen K. :

what could she have said that would make you feel okay? because shabbat shalom and ty for the pretty pretty flowers is really a nice text

Customer:

haha i dont know

Coach Jen K. :

I know you are looking for that sign...if the text said this...whatever the this is then it means that

Customer:

of course i am

Coach Jen K. :

but too hard to do that. If you are unsure about sending the letter right now then sit with it more until it feels clear for you!

Customer:

she just usually seems a lot more enthusiastic to talk to me

Customer:

i think thats why

Coach Jen K. :

and you know my feelings about that....we dont live with signs..we live with open communication...even if we dont know the outcome

Customer:

i usually dont have to initiate contact as much

Customer:

thats what is worrying me

Customer:

i feel like i am being obnoxious when all i am trying to do is communicate

Coach Jen K. :

yes but again if you wer worried then you could be reading into all of this

Coach Jen K. :

I dont hear that at all

Customer:

thats the only reason i am holding back too

Customer:

is that i feel like she doesnt really want to talk to me at the moment

Coach Jen K. :

we have no way of knowing how she will respond but you are sending it for you whenever you decide to send it

Coach Jen K. :

so only you will know when it is the right time or not based on how you feel and not reading into texts

Customer:

its not individual texts, its just a mood i am getting from them

Coach Jen K. :

then pull back and see if she reaches out...would that feel okay for you?

Customer:

yeah

Customer:

i will just message her back and then see what happens

Coach Jen K. :

focus on your work as you do and let things sit for a bit and see how and if she reaches out

Customer:

ok, but still message her back?

Coach Jen K. :

Do you want to respond to it? you have to go with your gut. If it were me, I would send a message like the one I wrote above

Customer:

i kind of do, just so that she knows i care that it made her happy if that makes sense

Customer:

?

Customer:

(that's if it did make her happy)

Coach Jen K. :

yes makes perfect sense

Customer:

and then i will play it cool and see what happens from there

Coach Jen K. :

that works...again it is about what works for you!!!! I am good with that and I will always work toward helping you to figure that out.

Customer:

ok

Customer:

well i will let you go then i guess

Customer:

thanks again

Coach Jen K. :

I desire for you to feel okay. so send that text and breathe!

Customer:

ok thank you

Customer:

speak soon (hopefully not too soon!)

Customer:

bye

Coach Jen K. :

lol. Im here.

Customer:

thank you

Coach Jen K. :

keep being the gentleman you are.

Customer:

i will thank you

TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3246
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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