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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2922
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Hello there. I am in the process of separating from my husband.

Resolved Question:

Hello there. I am in the process of separating from my husband. He is stating that he wants to have access to our 11 year old son every weekend. I have already prior to this that he could have him on a Friday night overnight and every other weekend. I am not prepared to let him have our son every weekend. Am I being reasonable stating he can have access Thursday and Friday from school and overnight plus every other weekend? Also is it still appropriate I ask for maintenance?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.

Coach Jen K. :

Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Coach Jen K. :

I think your desires sound very reasonable and I am also hoping that you are working with someone to iron out the details of custody and visitation?

Coach Jen K. :

And it sounds appropriate to me to ask for maintenance as it is his Son and should provide for that.

Coach Jen K. :

State your intentions and desires clearly so that they can be put into any agreement that is being worked on.

Coach Jen K. :

how is your son doing with the transition?

Customer:

Thank you for that. We have no official "paperwork" currently as he wishes everything to remain "amicable" which is fine until his statement of wanting my son every weekend.

Customer:

My son is doing ok, but my husband is still in the house, so nothing has changed in my sons eyes yet. He is a very sensible boy and very grown up for his age

Coach Jen K. :

and things can still remain amicable but it is important to put out your desires and get your needs met too.

Customer:

I appreicate your comment re maintenance, as I think that may be a conversation coming that he will now have to pay rent, bills and also now me. I think he may be trying to do the whole sympathy thing

Coach Jen K. :

I think your routine is giving a lot of time for them to spend together and many families do every other weekend...if not then you lose out spending that time with him when there isn't school or work

Coach Jen K. :

yes and that is also why if you are going this alone it will be hard to enforce any of it...I am not suggesting anything become difficult but often without agreements in place that is when problems can arise.

Customer:

That is what I think re my own quality time. I feel like he is treating me like the hired help to look after his son whilst he is working through the week

Coach Jen K. :

but continue talking with him to see where he is heading on things and then you can go from there to decide what oyu need as well

Customer:

I feel happier that I can say that my suggestion is reasonable and workable for all concerned

Coach Jen K. :

yes and quality time on the weekend is crucial for both parents and that is why the every other weekend fills the needs of both parents and your son gets great time with both of you

Coach Jen K. :

I do believe that it is

Coach Jen K. :

reasonable and logical

Customer:

Thank you. I am only asking for a minimum with regards XXXXX XXXXX well. I want this to be an easy transition when I didn't even want the separation in the first place

Coach Jen K. :

yes but make sure you ask for what you need...figure that out before you ask so that it is really covering what is needed to maintain your home life with your son

Coach Jen K. :

and if things are amicable right now then you can present it to him by saying that the quality time needs to be equal and that is why every other weekend works for all and it is less disruption for your son having to pack and sleep every weekend.

Coach Jen K. :

that can be disruptive and we want to minimize that for him too

Customer:

Thank you so much for your help. You have put my mind at rest.

Coach Jen K. :

I am glad. please come to me again if you need more support. If that is all for now please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my work. Thank you in advance.

TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2922
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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