Thank you for your question. I still do not believe that she really wants to move on and I do agree with what you said about being great parents. I can tell you both are amazing with your child. You both think of your child first and make sure he comes first in everything.
One problem I see is she does not want to go back to how things were. The house makes her sad and she feels that once she moves back in you will go back to the person she wanted to leave.
She seems to be still seeing certain issues with you that she feels like you need to get your way and that she lived on egg shells. I feel that she often takes your caring as controlling and wanting to get your way.
What I see in your personality is a person that cares a lot for her and you are willing to do what is best.
You tell her things to do only because you care, but she takes your advice as controlling her life.
This is why you need to let her try to make decision on her own and let her feel in control of her life. Right now she still feels not in control.
The house is a bad reminder of her and I feel that you both should discuss moving into a new home to show her that you only want to be with her and if it takes making those changes to keep her you will.
This will show her that you are willing to do what ever it takes to change to be with her and have a great life together.
She still needs to see your commitment. She seems to be getting upset over the little things and seems to get reminded of how things were when you both were together. You need to explain yourself more in why you say and do the things you do. Help her understand that you are here for her.
She is just nervous to start again with you because she doesn't want things to go back to how they were so she is afraid to get back together. But I still feel their is a chance for this relationship.
There isn't one.The Gardner is round tomorrow so can you leave him£ 15 and leave the gate open please.Can you confirm you have time off fur Jamie already booked so I dint have to worry about finding someone else to have him?Can you confirm if you will be bringing him back on the Saturday morning so I know what I'm doing?Thanks
Date: Tue, 18 Mar 2014 16:03:05 +0000Subject: RE: Do not worry about 27th, I have made other arrangements now. ThanksFrom:[email protected]To:[email protected]
-------- Original message --------From: XXXXX XXXXX <[email protected]Date: To: XXXXX XXXXX <[email protected]Subject: RE: Do not worry about 27th, I have made other arrangements now. Thanks
Hi there I have spoken to a legal advisor and without racking up legal costs for both of us, I need you to agree to sell the house or buy me out.
If you choose to buy me out, the outstanding mortgage is just below £160,000. We could get 3 valuations and go for the average worth and you pay me half of the equity.
Or - we sell it and split half.
If you won’t agree to sell it then the matter will have to go to court at expense to the both of us which I am sure we could both do without right now.
From next month I will only be paying half of the following bills:
Which works out to £864, if you pay £1420 it will cover all of the house bills but no food or petrol or any other ad hoc bills.
Can you please let me know what you want to agree moving forward with the house because I need to find my own place to live very soon and t make it easier on all of us please make a decision soon.
From: Martin Hall [[email protected]Sent: 18 March 2014 12:58To: XXXXX XXXXXSubject: RE: Do not worry about 27th, I have made other arrangements now. Thanks
phew cool..have a great time x
From: XXXXX, XXXXXe [[email protected]] Sent: 18 March 2014 12:57To: XXXXX XXXXXSubject: RE: Do not worry about 27th, I have made other arrangements now. Thanks
You won’t it’s a private room booking
The email above is dynamite she is so angry at me, I really dont know whats what.. top is latest bottom is earliest
Everything she said had good parts to it. She was considering going back too you, but it seems the Lorraine situation triggered something where she felt you did not change. So you need to still prove that this relationship can work.
It is very clear she wants you and Lorraine to have an understanding relationship with one another. That is important too her, so you need to makes sure you tell her that you will work on this because it is important too you.
She is telling you exactly what is wrong in the relationship so these are the things you can fix because she has told you. You need to show her that this is going to work because you are going to give her that space she needed when you both were together. She needs control of her life and she is still fighting to get it.
You need to show her that you will give her that space when you are both together. Ask her to write down her wants and needs in the relationship and you both can work on fixing them together.
Unfortunately her idea of giving her space is without me and she seems to be of the mind that the thing she needs is no relationship with me. I find it hard to talk to her it is a catch 22. if i mention anything then I am not giving her space but if I dont I feel that I have lost an opportunity.
I think her meaning of giving her space is her being to make her own decisions. I do not feel in anyway does she want you out of her life.
I think she is having trouble trying to figure out how to balance being in control of her life and being with you.
She needs to figure out how she feels she would be in control of her life and have that relationship with you. She is afraid that if she goes back she will go back to feeling like she is not in control.
It is important for her to know she can balance the relationship in the sense she will have control over her life and that you will give her the space she needs while being in a relationship.
now that is the question eh!! how do I get that message across, I will apologies again but I have been so so clumsy in how I have been chatting with jacs that I have lost my way on matters like this. I really dont know how to do this or that, so do forgive me if I ask for it to be spelt out.
This is the email trail in response to Jacs sending me a breakdown of household costs:
Martin: I think so, thank you much appreciated.
I already send 1700 over so don't think I have to amend anything just yet. Please let me know if that is different,
Jackie: I will keep an eye on it for you just to make sure it all looks OK
Martin: brilliant thxs.
Jackie: You’re getting a good deal out of this as I spend way more than you LOL
Martin: many thxs...we never knew did we how we each spent.. shame about that eh!!
Jackie:Of course I always spent more it’s in my genes!
Martin: I must have had some of those as well, I seem to have been at Tesco's endlessly,, lol
But yep it is in your genes, its one of your endearing qualities, your very generous.
Jackie:Can I just confirm that you are def having Jamie 14th – 18th April? I can then sort out my leave for week 1.
Martin: yes definetely i will have him.
Jackie:Cool, will you be having him that weekend, or are you working? I don’t mind either way
Martin: not sure, would you mind if I get back to you. I am not being awkward..
Jackie: No that’s fine. It’s just it’s Toni’s 21st party on the Friday and If Jamie is coming home Saturday I won’t stay round Kim’s and wil be home for him
No problem either way
Martin: That sounds like too good a plan for me not to help out, by all means I will look after him. You go have a blast with Kim..
What ever happens we/I will cope..
Jackie:No, seriously it’s not a problem to be at Mum’s. I know you need to work.
Iv’e just topped up Jamie’s school dinner account with £50. He eats nothing but Pizza and calypso drinks! We need to start stuffing him with vegetables at home!
Martin: I am fine honest, he will be ok with me.
He's also being a bit more vocal on stuff as well.. bless him lol !!
I will try and feed him with good stuff he had the fajitas last night.
Jackie: Is he, like what? I have told him to tell me and you how he is feeling and not to worry about hurting our feelings as we both want him to be happy.
Martin: I have told him the same,
But the weekend was a classic example.
He arranged his own sleepover round Jamie Millers then came home for his shorts then stayed..
I really didn't have a chance to talk to him about the dinner or the change, I just went with your plan and he changed it. I told him when he came in that he was going with you at 11am then he decided that he didnt want to go..despite me telling him about it..
As ever Jake is getting on his nerves but me reckon thats normal.
Anything else I have told him that he needs to tell you if he has a problem, just like you.. I cant tell you otherwise he wont talk to me..I do support you and do not run you down.
Jackie: Snap, thanks.
along with this are these