Have we spoken before? I have spoken to someone else here called Jen...
Anyway, it was nice to see her when I was there 2 weeks ago. In some ways I got more than I expected, sleeping in the same bed as her as opposed to on the sofa. So there was some cuddling in bed but nothing more. One night she held my hand at a dinner with a few of her friends, which I found surprising considering they all know I am her ex.
The main circumstances were that she was very busy most of the time during the day and besides a few breakfasts and lunches together, we didn't spend any time alone at night and we always had plans with her friends. So I didn't feel I got the opportunity to create a romantic atmosphere with her in an appropriate setting.
Since I got back we haven't spoken as much as I would have liked, but it is picking up little by little. I made the first move a few days after I got back to London and communication has been in short spurts since then. I got the feeling at one point I was annoying her just because she was either being unresponsive or sending me messages that were difficult to reply to.
Last weekend I sent her flowers (addressed to her and her roommate) to say thanks for letting me stay. She thanked me warmly but briefly.
I have drafted a letter to send to her telling her how I feel, but am in 2 minds about sending it. On one hand, it is just not something I like the idea of doing (so cheesy!!) and am worried about no response, or bad response. On the other hand, I really want to send it with the hope of a good response and to be able to have a conversation about where we could go from there, seeing as we live on either side of the Atlantic. Plus, I want to make sure she isn't going to start seeing someone else!!!
We broke up amicably in October, didn't speak for 2 months until I wrote to her for her Birthday and asked if I could see her for a drink. She said let's do dinner and we ended up doing that. After that, I saw her only once on the night before she left to NY. It was a nice long night with dinner and drinks and we talked our relationship through. After that was when I realised how much I still feel for her and began to think about getting back together with her.
There is no bad blood, but she brings up memories from the relationship a lot, however continually refers to me as her ex... She has even mentioned a girl in London we both know who she thinks I should go out with.
There is more I could tell you if we chatted.
But based on all that, what do you think my chances are?
Thank you for such a balanced and well-thought response.
What caused the breakup was that I got scared a few months before because I felt so comfortable with her and could see myself ending up with someone like her. On the other hand, I wanted the opportunity to have some space and concentrate on my work and also to experience new things with other people. Because of this, I never expressed my feelings to her, as I was not sure myself and I distanced myself for a period which made her have second thoughts. Eventually it got to a point where she was upset and so I went round and talked with her, and ended up breaking up mutually.
I think that is what has allowed us to stay friends. She was living in London at the time, and a few weeks after our break up she went to NY to visit and decided to move there. She then told me she was moving when I took her out to dinner after her birthday in December. After new year's she moved.
I got the space I wanted, but not the experience, however all I know is what I feel at the moment.
What worries me is that I don't feel much desire on her end, but maybe it is because I am not manifesting much of my own desire, and rather just 'being friends' and talking every so often. Even though I sent the flowers and they were really just for her, not her roommate as well. But she must have known that right?
Would you agree? Several people have told me this is in my hands, and that if I manifest my desire, or at least express my feelings I can get what I want?
Thanks again for your great response.
I don't know, I really am getting the feeling that she feels and thinks she is better off where she is now and without me. Just by how happy she is in NY and hasn't given me any sign that she was really upset by the breakup at all. She even told me when I saw her before she moved to NY that after we broke up she went on a date with someone and that nothing happened. She said she couldn't even bring herself to kiss him... whatever that means. It does play on my mind a bit that she went on that date, although when I was in NY with her, I didn't really see any signs that she was interested in seeing anyone, whereas her friends were all talking about their boyfriends or guys they are seeing etc. But I worry about it happening and that maybe she is interested in people and has seen people since I left.
She also had an operation in February to remove a tumor from one of her ovaries. She is fine but I know it leaves an after effect and she has had a couple of infections and not felt 100%. So I wonder if she is holding back until she feels 100% again and looking to start seeing people then...
Where the relationship is concerned, I do think the timing was off completely. As for a potential rekindling, she is finishing her studies in NY and that ends in December, but she has been expressing a strong desire to stay on after and make a life there. I would consider moving there and have done several times in the past (I am a dual UK/US citizen), but I have a company here in London and would want to be sure that me moving somewhere would be beneficial and still work in the best interests of my company.
I think if I was to be able to move there, it would have to be at least a year before I could make it viable.
Thought I would just copy the letter draft I wrote, see what you think.