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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this apparently overwhelming situation.
What you describe here is very sad, concerning and frustrating, since it shows that the reason for you to stay in this loveless, non-fulfilling and dysfunctional relationship is your little children, but while this could be the most common reason for people to stay in destructive relationships, it is also true that most times by doing so it is children who suffer the most from such relationships, and the decision to perpetuate them.
While parents could believe they protect their children health and well-being by perpetuating dysfunctional relationships, in fact children could get powerfully impacted in their development and growth because of it, developing mood, behavioral and other mental health disorders, which could deeply distort their personalities as teenager and as adults, literally pushing them into getting similar or worse relationships, once they learn from parents that it is normal, necessary, and their responsibility to stay in relatiosnhips regardless any serious abuse, neglect or manipulation.
Their sense of self-worthiness, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-image and everything else get impacted by the quality of parenting they receive and the quality of parent's marital relationship. You have described serious neglect because of serious mental health problems your partner presents, including possible addictions to work and cars. You have tried to work on it without any significant change or improvement, then I do not see how this situation could get any better under the same approach, but in the mean time you and your children continue to suffer. Please focus on what you can and shoudl control, taking full responsibility of that, namely of yourself and of your children.
Your husband requires intensive psychological treatment to work on his personal issues and disorders, otherwise it would be unrealistic to expect your situation would change for better at all, and for sure marriage or couples counseling would be helpless too.
Does it make sense?