Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
I can understand how you would feel less special...have you discussed your feelings with him and asked him why he does this?
I think it is important to let him know that it detracts from the special moment or feeling special when he does that.
Mothers day to use your example is your day and celebrated for you and his feeling of being left out could encourage him to buy for himself too.
Is he an insecure man? feels left out often? If so then these could be some reasons why he has this desire to do as he does.
and I think it is important that you keep letting him know that it is about both of you most of the time but on special occasions as you do for him it is about you and only you and you would like that and deserve that
yes so I hear some insecurities and grandiosity within him
that isnt uncommon for men..they get interested when the baby/child can do things that is when a lot of men feel more connected
but unless you talk to him gently and with love he will continue to act in this manner
so I do suggest that you be open with him about it all
and if there are deeper issues going on with him then therapy would be the right place for him to look at this stuff
he may not have control over some of this stuff...would he get into therapy to look at these behaviors?
so he is in therapy?
yes because he might not be able to control these impulses and when it is brought up to him with possible anger then he will feel bad and shut down
ok well I am glad you go together and I would suggest that he going more than sporadically could be beneficial
it is frustrating I know...keep being open and less destructive to yourself and to him and work this out in therapy that is the safe palce to bring up your frustrations and anything you are feeling
its not about being ungrateful...its about you desiring to feel special around a man that needs to be the center.
but you must bring it all up in therapy so it can be addressed and that is the place where the anger can get worked through
focus less on the material things and more on how you feel...that is where your work is together with the therapist.
well you have done great work here with me so always push yourself to stay in the feeling state of it so it can be addressed.
because you have been dealing with these behaviors for a while but please use the therapy together to be the place to work on this stuff...that is how change will happen.
you might need to pull back a bit and deal with your own feelings too. hard to change another person so it comes down to you living with it or not.
exactly. Keep doing as you are...pull back a bit and work in therapy...all a great plan. please come back to me and let me know how you are doing.
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I am so glad. come to me again by asking for CoachJenK. I am here
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