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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have recently divorced and I have two young boys 11 and 6.

Resolved Question:

I have recently divorced and I have two young boys 11 and 6. They have dealt with the divorce from there father badly. And a couple of months after the separation I started seeing my best friends husband (they were separated and in separate rooms at the time) but my relationship with her husband was a secret for a long time, until my 11 year old caught us kissing, he was very upset and I have trouble forgiving myself for him finding out that way. Since then my eldest has struggled to accept the relationship and misses his father a lot, My best friend (WHO DOESNT SPEAK TO ME ANYMORE AND HATES ME) regrets the break down of her marriage and wants her husband back, he however is deeply in love with me. I have sever guilt for what I did to my best friend and for losing her, I already suffer from depression and pure o ocd and sever pmt and every month when I have pmt I either end or feel like ending the relationship I have with my bf husband. His family wish to have nothing to do with me and I find this hard..i worry subconsciously I know its all wrong and that's why I get these feelings every month with pmt I don't know what to do for the best anymore..i do love this man but is it all worth it thanks samantha
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Dear XXXXX :

Thank you for your question.

Dear XXXXX :

You both love each other and you both need to focus on this relationship together. There is a lot of what I call outside distractions right now.

Dear XXXXX :

You lost your friend because he marriage fell apart. But he doesn't want to be with her and nothing can fix that. He is in love with you.

Dear XXXXX :

If you decided to end the relationship tomorrow it will not change his feelings for you and he still will not go back too her.

Dear XXXXX :

What has happened is something that can not be taken back so you both must move forward together and create a life together.

Dear XXXXX :

Your son finding out that way would have been very hard for him. That is understandable.

Dear XXXXX :

It is very normal for children to want their parents back together.

Dear XXXXX :

Child never want to see their parents separate. But you also can't be a relationship that you no longer want to be in.

Dear XXXXX :

In time children begin to accept that their parents have moved on.

Dear XXXXX :

At first they always have that hope that their parents will get back together and that is why they do not like when their parents begin to date because they figure that will interfere with their parents reuniting again.

Dear XXXXX :

Child do adjust to divorce but it takes time to heal and understand why their parents separated.

Dear XXXXX :

You have moved on and I feel in time your children will understand you are with someone else now, but it will take time for them to adjust.

Dear XXXXX :

You both love each other and I know that you are having trouble with guilt, but you both are together now.

Dear XXXXX :

You want to enjoy the relationship. This is a new relationship and you both should be getting to know each other and starting a life together.

Dear XXXXX :

You want to create those amazing memories of a new relationship without all that guilt that you are carrying around.

Dear XXXXX :

You need to know that their is nothing you can change what has happened. People fall in love and you have to look at maybe this is the person that you belong with.

Dear XXXXX :

You already suffer from depression and I want you to know that this is your time to be happy.

Dear XXXXX :

You need to both think of each other and your children in being a family.

Dear XXXXX :

I know that in time your children will accept that you have moved on. You want to plan family things together to get them use to the idea that this is the person you love and he is going to be in our lives.

Dear XXXXX :

His family is just having trouble understanding everything that has happened. this does not mean they will not change their mind and accept you. His parents need to look at that their son is happy with you and is in love.

Dear XXXXX :

They will in time understand this was the right choice for their son because he is in love. Parents always want what is best for their child.

Dear XXXXX :

I feel that they will let you into their lives once they see how much their son cares about you.

Dear XXXXX :

I want you to let all that guilt go and begin this new relationship. You both love each other.

Dear XXXXX :

You both should be together.

Customer:

thank you debra

Dear XXXXX :

You welcome do you have anymore question I can help you with today?

Customer:

no thank you I will try to apply what you have said thanks again

Dear XXXXX :

You welcome and if you have anymore question. You can address your questions too me by putting Dear XXXXX before your question. They will go directly too me so I can further help you.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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