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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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my partner cheated on me 6 years ago. we decided to start fresh

Resolved Question:

my partner cheated on me 6 years ago. we decided to start fresh but she never returned the same person. she hardly come and kiss me. keep denying that she got problems giving excuses telling me a 13 years relationship don't kiss at all. she is not even showing n effort of changing.
I decided to leave as I am tired
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating, sad and concerning situation.

Customer:

Still waiting for the answer

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Betrayals could be very hurtful for most people, and devastating impacting relationships. But when the person who was disloyal truly acknowledged her wrong doings, taking full responsibility for all her mistakes and commits to work on healing the relationship, gaining back your respect, trust and love, then concrete chances for a refreshed relationship appear. But if her concrete behaviors show the opposite, then it would be unrealistic and unhealthy to expect anything better from it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Exposing to a person perpetuating such pattern, who uses denial, avoidance, justification and lack of accountability and willingness to change would never help, but enable more neglectful and abusive behaviors for sure.

Customer:

How often a more than 10 years relationship do kiss? It is normal for a relationship not kissing

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is very sad but real, and only by objectively assessing your situation and coming to terms with reality woudl allow you to take good care of yourself.

Customer:

Please tell me about my previous question about missing please

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No, this is not normal behavior at all, but shows the person has serious issues around expressing emotions and feelings, sharign in healthy and fulfilling ways.

Customer:

Thanks but she kept telling me that is normal with a long term relationship. Before she used to tell me its normal for kissing to come down because of the long time staying together but now it is inexistent. She start getting upset and shouting

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

People are very different about kissing, depending on culture, families, personality and circumstances. healthy couples, who truly have a mature and fulfilling relationship would kiss everyday, several times a day. other people could do it once a day -romantic kissing- or less often if they happen to be introverted, but during intimacy, they would express and share their affection and passion, and for sure it would be a regular behavior in consistency with the health and quality of their relationship.

Customer:

Is it any chance of reverting this issue?

Customer:

As i keep telling her but she is not showing no sign of efforts just excuses

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry but it seems she is using excuses to justify her increasing withdrawal from you and her actions show you reality. People use words to manipulate, but their actions show their real intentions.

Customer:

Now she don't have them no more and start getting upset

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If a person keep such pattern of behavior, then it would be unrealistic to expect the relationship could truly heal, grow and become a mutually fulfilling experience.

Customer:

Thanks a lot, as an adviser what should i do?

Customer:

Leave?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

That sounds very manipulative and selfish, where she has been using denial, avoidance, justification and other unacceptable behaviors to perpetuate something obviously unhealthy.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You need to carefully assess your core needs and expectations in a relationship, from respect and honesty, to openness, empathy, mutual caring, affection and support. Then if you see the other person is unable and/or unwilling to share in that way, then it would be better for you to work on finding somebody more compatible with your personality, values and willing to share and complement your life and each other in healthy and fulfilling ways.

Customer:

If she admits to try a change ways is it going to be true or just trying to keep me as she knows i am so helpful to the house and the kids. She keeps telling me she want to get married with me. Can i talk to her again or stop for good?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If she really cares about you and the relationship, she would look for professional support to work on her problems, and work with you and couples therapy to make things heal and work in your relationship. But if she is not willing to do that, it would be hopeless.

Customer:

Thanks a lot that was so helpful

Customer:

Nice to talk to you and see you next time

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry but it seems this person may have been manipulating and using you because of the support you have been offering to her and her family, while not reciprocating at all. I would never suggest anybody in your shoes to get married under such limited and poor circumstances.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.


This is the direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/, just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.

Customer:

Thanks

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you. Please remember to rate session.

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