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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I have been in a relationship with a married women for four

Resolved Question:

I have been in a relationship with a married women for four years, she is in a loveless marriage. she/we started out in this together and I knew she was married but she did say give her five years when mortgage is paid off which will be next year? its been very rough over the last years and I cant cope with it. she allways has an excuse, her grandchildren, her sons, her mother in law who now has cancer, her son who is expecting a baby that will be born with complications. ect. ect. I keep letting her in even tho I tell her I am not happy. she tells me she has/is and got divorced I don't believe her, shr has shown me nothing its got to that stage now.....what do I do for the best I am 56 and she is 53....thanks
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating and distressful situation.

Customer:

what do I do....

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If this person is telling you that she is already divorced and you have been in this relationship for these many years, then there would be no acceptable reason for her to hide it and not to fully start living your lives together as a couple, once she would have no further real issues according to her words. But if as you said, she has been dishonest and manipulative this long, to the point of perpetuating this and not caring at all about you, your feelings and life, then I do not see how this situation could get any better.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Soon you will get to the 5 year period limit, and then, if she continues not to be consistent with her promises, you would have to reassess what you truly want and can afford in this relationship, taking into account your core needs and expectations and the impact pr keeping into an affair under these circumstances for even longer.

Customer:

in January she told ne she is divorced and is waiting for papers, its not april and she has not even come forward and show me nothing....she said she gave papers to husband to look after as she always losses stuff.....

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You said it has been very tough over all these years, then I wonder what gives you hope it would suddenly change and become a healthy, mature and mutually fulfilling relationship?

Customer:

this is tearing me apart as a person...I cant even kiss her anymore when we meet up and she is now making a big deal about I don't like kissing?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to hear that, nd do not see how your situation could get any better than this, but think the tendency is for it to get even worse and more painful for you with time.

Customer:

yes you are right that's how I feel.....loveless and not been able to love back properly with her...she has said to me wait till her sons baby is born in may....and she will come clean with everybody?....

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It seems obvious to me that she has been manipulating you for all this long, but she has no power to do that unless you allow and enable her abuse. neglect and manipulation every time they happen.

Customer:

Yes again you are right, and I do feel what you are saying....she never talks about me and her really....I know she loves me, but her action tell me differently....

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then wait for this one extra month, month is very short period of time, and if she does not take consistent action as promised for so long, that would be the best confirmation that you have been self-sabotaging , enabling her to use, abuse and neglect you, and that if what you expect and need is a healthy, happy and fulfilling relationship, it would never happen with a woman like her.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then I'd never say this person really loves you, since her actions for these many years show the opposite, she doe not even respect you, nor cares about your feelings, happiness or well-being. So if this is love, it would be a very unhealthy and destructive love in my opinion.

Customer:

Yes thank you for your help, I will wait until end of may,.......before I do anything before the time is right.....

Customer:

thanks again....how can I s

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

Customer:

how can I keep your answers so I can reflect on them?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

They will remain in your account and accessible through this direct link too: http://www.justanswer.co.uk/relationship/8dt8m-relationship-married-women-four.html?src=dn

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is the direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/, just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

Customer:

thank you very much very helpful indeed.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You'e welcome. Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

and remember to rate session. Bye for now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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