Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very sad, frustrating and perhaps overwhelming reality you have been facing.
You have clearly describe your story, how it started and evolved during so many years, where you tried to please your husband regardless of the potential issues and perhaps conflicts you may have been experiencing . out of fear of not being able to keep your marriage together.
I cannot imagine your shock and frustration when being confronted by him, after so many years, by his jealousy and his direct statements about what he perceives as your neglectful role in you marriage! This is truly shocking, and I believe most people in your shoes would feel overwhelmed and deeply wounded by such abusive statements.
Unhappily the potential issues that use to arise in scenarios like this have become your reality, and now there is no way back to change what has been built in your marital relationship for so many years. Now it is essential for you to come to terms with reality and carefully assess what you truly are willing and able to afford from now on in your marriage, and from there take total consistent action for you to take really good care of yourself, and not to continue enabling a reality that you would only regret and suffer more from now and in the long run.
Individual and marriage therapy seems necessary in my opinion for you to work on taking good care of yourself and effectively coping,, while marriage therapy would allow you to work on healing and making necessary changes for your marriage no only to survive but for it to grow healthy and stronger. Obviously the marital part of it would only work if both of you agree as a mature partnership to work on it, offering "mutual" respect, sensitivity, understanding, and support, taking full responsibility of your own feelings, choices and actions, for you to get necessary improvements.
Does it make sense?
You'e very welcome. I truly hope you could get necessary support to effectively cope, heal and grow from this overwhelming situation.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.
You can contact me using this direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/, just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.
Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care.
I am glad to know you have been able to build all these meaningful and positive experiences and reality together. Then it is for sure necessary and worthy to work on this area too. This is why individual and marriage therapy could become so important in this process. I am willing to support you through this public forum as much as possible within the limitations this means present, and truly hoe you get a competent professional as soon as possible.
Sounds good and proactive. I will be looking forward to supporting you as possible. Thank you again and bye for now.
and please remember to rate support. Thanks.