I'm in the most awful situation and need an honest answer as to what can be done.
I have reason to believe that my husband only married me for a visa.
We met last year - online - and he said at first he didn't want to live in the UK, so I felt sure that he was not just after a visa. However, after just one week or so he changed his tune and suddenly declared that we would live in the UK after all. He claimed there were problems with his parents as they were against the marriage and it wouldn't be safe for me in his country. So I agreed. He then started to rush me into marriage, saying his parents were in a hurry to see him get married. When I asked if we could meet in person before making such an important decision he said that would be impossible as he has noone in the UK and wouldn't know where to stay whilst here, so we just talked over Skype for several months, fell in love, and got married in his country.
He was at that stage very loving and his family also seemed to fully accept me.
He then got his 6 month visa and came over to the UK. From the first moment on I noticed a change in his behavior, he would spend all his time in bed, scream at me and say he wanted to go back to his country - without me. Concerned, I took him to a doctor, who diagnosed him with anxiety and prescribed anti-depressants. From then on, he clearly improved, and we had several happy months. We then applied for his 5 year visa, which he obtained in March. From that moment on he became emotionally abusive, repeatedly threatened to leave me, he would almost nonstop scream at me, calling me the most filthy names - thinking I don't understand it in his language but I do - , threatening me, twisting the truth and accusing me of abusing him, and blaming me for everything. We also had police involvement. This went on until recently, when he declared he had in fact never loved me, and that he would leave me soon. He then became emotionally very cruel, making fun of me for having fallen for him, accusing me again of abusing him, and mocking me ("what can you do, nothing, don't even think you can have me deported, noone can touch me, you think you are so smart but I am smarter than you, I will never agree to a divorce, you can do nothing"), he admitted that he had never loved me, and, when I struggled to keep the tears down, it was "you are always crying, that's what you always do, it's your habit, you just need an excuse to cry". When I begged him to leave me alone he refused, clearly enjoyed my suffering, and kept on and on and on at me, ignoring my repeated pleas to leave me alone.
The abuse got to such a stage that I got really scared and panicked - I have been through a lot of abuse before and such things scare the life out of me - so I called the police. When they turned up, I requested my husband to leave my property.
Since then there has been no contact. The fact that he admitted to never having loved me, and waited before leaving me until he had his five year visa, is a clear indication that he was just after a visa, and had duped me into the marriage by pretending that he loved me, but in fact he was just after the visa. It was extremely cruel how he even mocked me for having fallen for him!
I have since then been in extreme shock, very unwell and have to be off sick from work. If he does read this story on the just answer site and laughs his head off that I am sick now and he got what he wanted, I can only say, at least I am a human being, and don't be too sure in the presumption that you are cleverer than me.
I therefore won't go into more detail but I have taken care of the practical side of things.
Now, I might be very stupid here, and I don't want to fall for his lies a second time, but several events in the last few days have led me to believe that maybe, just maybe, he does have a little bit of genuine feelings for me. I know this sounds very naive but I don't want to go and do what I have to do before knowing 100% that he was just after a visa.
He has however disappeared and refuses to be found (scared? That's karma for you!) and I am too scared to contact him. He is furious that I have called the police, and I had to find out that he has been to the neighbors and claimed lies about me allegedly physically abusing him. The neighbors of course didn't fall for his lies as they could always hear him screaming and being aggressive. That act alone is in my opinion reason enough to dissolve the marriage as with this act alone he has betrayed me.
I also had to find out that everything he has ever told me about himself has just been lies, absolutely everything.
I know anyone reading this will say now "be glad he's gone" but I am not like other people, I don't change partners like underwear. I would like an honest opinion please whether this looks like a visa story or love from his side, and if love, what can be done now?
And please, no "have counseling"!!!