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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hello! Please can you offer some advice on my situation. Having

Customer Question

Hello! Please can you offer some advice on my situation. Having been with my husband for some 9 year I have always been faithful and despite not having had an intimate relationship for over 2 years i simply accepted my situation that is until the summer 2013 when I became friendly with the gentlemen who owns the local bus company and drives me to work every day. After weeks of flirting this man expressed his feelings and despite knowing my situation suggested that we meet. It took me a while but after weeks of flirtatious texting I agreed to meet up. Instantly the gentleman told me how much he liked me and kissed me passionately. We were all over each other like teenagers. Then he surprised me by telling me he had a f**k buddy who he met up with every few months. I told him that I didnt want to share him and explained that I really liked him but wasnt after a fling that I intended leaving my husband and would like to start seeing him properly. We met up weekly after this and developed what I thought to be a relationship. This gentleman however despite being very intimate hinted that he may not be able to satisfy me sexually as I was a lot younger. He asked how I would feel if he repeatedly couldn't perform. I told him that if that was a problem I would hope we could address it together and seek professional help. Over the weeks it became apparent that there indeed was a problem and in the four months together we never managed full intercourse. Eventually the man started to pull away and then my husband found out about us. My husband had read all the other mans explicit texts and in jealously assaulted him. About a week later the gentlemen ended our affair stating that I wasnt his type that I was too young and that he didnt want to take on my daughter who is 5. He also told me that he had joined a dating agency. I was shocked, hurt and offended but tried to remain civil. He text me occasionally in the weeks that followed until one day I received a call from a lady 20 years older than me explaining that she had been seeing him at the same time as me and when all came to all he had been meeting women from newspaper ads. Turned out that he was unable to perform with any of them. He changed his number at this point to avoid the fallout from all the women hed lied to but telephoned me and arranged to meet to talk. We were civil with each other but he denied his sexual problem. We agreed to stay friends but since then have gotten into a couple of arguments. We arranged to meet last week but I cancelled as my husband asked me if we could try again and I felt I needed to get my head clear on what I wanted. My dilemma is that while I really care fir my husband something is definately missing for me and I also am still very much in love with the other gentlemen. I have a house lined up to move into if required but need to make a decision very soon. I really dont know what to do for the best. Can u help?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. I would first ask you that f your husband wants to try again and try to find what's missing for you, would that be what you ultimately wanted? What if your relationship with your husband could go back to being what it was ? Would you want to be with him? If the answer is no, then it's obvious you are not interested in even trying with him. If this other gentleman wasn't in the picture and he left you, would you stay with your husband? Try to look at and take away different factors such as these to determine what you really feel.
As far as this other man, I would be extremely skeptical. If he initially told you he was seeing other women and all of this other info has come out that he was, why do you feel he would be faithful to you? If he is denying he has a problem sexually, you will have difficulty getting him to seek help.
You need to figure out what would really make you happy. Like I said, if your husband was the man you married, would you go back 100% emotionally to him and try?? What if this new man is not faithful to you and what if he will not seek help for his sexual issues?
Sometimes it is helpful to write out your thoughts on paper. it can help organize and clear your mind.
As far as what is best, only you can answer that. It isn't an easy decision, but one you must make on your own. You just need to sort out your true feelings and go from there.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
I have not heard back from you, nor have you rated my service. I'm just checking in.

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