Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very sad and perhaps overwhelming situation.
What you described here is very concerning not because of your mistake by the beginning of your relationship bi=ut mostly because of the lack of reciprocity during all the time you were together.
no reciprocity coming from his side at all
It seems you did everything in your power to commit to him and the relationship, and except from that isolated episode you truly did your best to show him how much you cared about him, while on the other hand, he has not offer the same trust, love, understanding, support and caring, which is just not right, but very neglectful and wounding, and which also explains, as you said, why you allowed your self to betray him for that time.
Then if he has not even acknowledge how neglectful and selfish he has been all this time, nor taken any responsibility for it, and was not committing to really change his ways, how could you expect to be and feel truly good, happy and fulfilled in a relationship like that?
It seems obvious to me that this person has never really deserved you,a nd his actions shown multiple red flags, and as you fear, I think it would be unrealistic to believe that he has been totally loyal and respectful while he has not even shown he really cared about you when you were together.
I had so many signs to leave him but I did not have the guts to and he said that he was ashamed of himself to be seen with me because he had taken me back
so in other words he was ashamed of me also
I guess I never deserved him he is stuck in his ways
and needs to move on from the past
there is a massive age gap to I am 20 and he is 27
Absolutely, he did not deserve you, you were offering so much while it seems he was using you without truly caring about you, your feelings, needs and expectations.
I see, i really believe that the end of it was not a misfortune at all, it is painful for sure, but something healthy and necessary, since you do not need nor deserve to be neglected and used like that, nor to waste your time, life and energy with a person who does not deserve you.
you are right and I know I am doing the right thing by moving on. I just needed confirmation that what I did was completely my fault as he made it seem like it and blamed everything on me
was not completely*
No way, I think this person is very immature and manipulative, perhaps with a big ego, and that could never be good for anybody in your shoes.
Now please focus on your healing process, so you could work on finding a person who truly respect you, and who happens to be able and willing to love, support and protect you, to feel proud and grateful about your presence in his life.
This book is very good and could help you too:
Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You http://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394239914&sr=8-1&keywords=Getting+Past+Your+Breakup%3A+How+to+Turn+a+Devastating+Loss+into+the+Best+Thing+That+Ever+Happened+to+You
thank you very much I appreciate everything you have told me and I will definitely take it on board.
I will definitely buy that book
You're very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. OK?
You can contact me using this direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.
Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.
thank you very much could I save this conversation?
Sure, it is already saved in your account, and you should receive a copy in your email account too. this is the direct link to it: http://www.justanswer.co.uk/relationship/8exxs-boyfriend-recently-broke-together.html?src=dn
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX god bless
Thank you. God always blesses us all!
Bye for now.