How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
65591635
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now

my boyfriend recently broke up with me we were together for

Resolved Question:

my boyfriend recently broke up with me we were together for 1 year and a half. I cheated on him at the beginning of our relationship and he found out I really wanted to tell him but I was so scared this Is my first boyfriend and I was madly in love with him so I didn't want to loose him I was planning to tell him but every time I got to it I got too scared, when he found it was a couple of weeks before valentines day he told me to come to his game which was on valentines day (pro basketball player) which I did and I went back to his house like I always did and we sorted things out and we got back together but he kept on checking messages on my facebook and phone I had nothing to hide I just think he was a bit paranoid he told me not to delete anymore messages because they looked suspicious so I told him we can have a relationship without trust I did everything to earn his trust back besides that I did everything for him I travelled 3 hours to see him every weekend to support his games I bought anything he asked for but he never did the same with me from the beginning he never came to support me at my games he never bought me anything he never showed me public affection its like I was in the background, and that was one of the reasons why he cheated. but after I asked him that question he said we should take a break and not be with each other obviously I didn't take it very well, a week later I told him I was going to delete him of everything and I wanted to get over him he told me the next day to come and see his game something told me not to go but I ended up going away we stayed at his hotel and all his team mates were there we were acting like we were a couple again everything was fine until he didn't talk to me for a couple of days after and I asked him on the phone where do I stand with him and he replied I cant not have you in my life, I need to gather up my feelings and see where I am at. I haven't spoken to him since then. but I have always had a feeling that he might have been doing things with other girls since he has a professional career he as a lot of females around him and messaging him and he always hid his phone from me. I really don't know what to do I have started to move on but I am not looking forward to the day when he contacts me again.. because I still don't know where we stand with each other I have been In contact or been going to any of his games.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this very sad and perhaps overwhelming situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you described here is very concerning not because of your mistake by the beginning of your relationship bi=ut mostly because of the lack of reciprocity during all the time you were together.

Customer:

no reciprocity coming from his side at all

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It seems you did everything in your power to commit to him and the relationship, and except from that isolated episode you truly did your best to show him how much you cared about him, while on the other hand, he has not offer the same trust, love, understanding, support and caring, which is just not right, but very neglectful and wounding, and which also explains, as you said, why you allowed your self to betray him for that time.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then if he has not even acknowledge how neglectful and selfish he has been all this time, nor taken any responsibility for it, and was not committing to really change his ways, how could you expect to be and feel truly good, happy and fulfilled in a relationship like that?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It seems obvious to me that this person has never really deserved you,a nd his actions shown multiple red flags, and as you fear, I think it would be unrealistic to believe that he has been totally loyal and respectful while he has not even shown he really cared about you when you were together.

Customer:

I had so many signs to leave him but I did not have the guts to and he said that he was ashamed of himself to be seen with me because he had taken me back

Customer:

so in other words he was ashamed of me also

Customer:

I guess I never deserved him he is stuck in his ways

Customer:

and needs to move on from the past

Customer:

there is a massive age gap to I am 20 and he is 27

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, he did not deserve you, you were offering so much while it seems he was using you without truly caring about you, your feelings, needs and expectations.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, i really believe that the end of it was not a misfortune at all, it is painful for sure, but something healthy and necessary, since you do not need nor deserve to be neglected and used like that, nor to waste your time, life and energy with a person who does not deserve you.

Customer:

you are right and I know I am doing the right thing by moving on. I just needed confirmation that what I did was completely my fault as he made it seem like it and blamed everything on me

Customer:

was not completely*

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No way, I think this person is very immature and manipulative, perhaps with a big ego, and that could never be good for anybody in your shoes.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Now please focus on your healing process, so you could work on finding a person who truly respect you, and who happens to be able and willing to love, support and protect you, to feel proud and grateful about your presence in his life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This book is very good and could help you too:


Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You http://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394239914&sr=8-1&keywords=Getting+Past+Your+Breakup%3A+How+to+Turn+a+Devastating+Loss+into+the+Best+Thing+That+Ever+Happened+to+You

Customer:

thank you very much I appreciate everything you have told me and I will definitely take it on board.

Customer:

I will definitely buy that book

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. OK?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You can contact me using this direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.

Customer:

thank you very much could I save this conversation?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure, it is already saved in your account, and you should receive a copy in your email account too. this is the direct link to it: http://www.justanswer.co.uk/relationship/8exxs-boyfriend-recently-broke-together.html?src=dn

Customer:

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX god bless

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you. God always blesses us all!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye for now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
< Previous | Next >
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
  • I Couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • TherapistMaryAnn

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Previous | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg TherapistMaryAnn's Avatar

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    270
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    210
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/Dietcokeani/2009-08-16_115515_Annette_face_square.jpg Anna's Avatar

    Anna

    Social Worker

    Satisfied Customers:

    203
    29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/DR/drshs/2011-5-8_214848_CIMG1275.64x64.jpg Dr. Shirley Schaye's Avatar

    Dr. Shirley Schaye

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    166
    PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/RU/Russ0114/2011-12-25_215431_IMG0623.64x64.JPG MrsRuss0114's Avatar

    MrsRuss0114

    LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    154
    B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions