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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Dear Debra is online now

I have been with my boyfriend almost a yr now, he discovered

Customer Question

I have been with my boyfriend almost a yr now, he discovered he has got COPD and emphasem about six months into the relationship, he gave me plenty of opportunities to leave but how can you.

At first he was so lovely, kind, effectionate, kissing me all the time, I was in my element, then it changed, very suddenly, were he expected me to go to the chemist for his medications, he would ask me to go to his and when I get there he tells me to be quiet as his soaps are on, if I cough at night he moans at me, if I go and sit in another room so he cant hear me coughing he says what is the point cuming over when you spend all nite away from me.

The other day he said to me I will have to let you in, it isn't fair that u are left in the dark all the time. Two days later and I have no explanations as to why but he ended us, said he cudnt cope with me, he told me never to contact him again, he blocked me on fb, wattsapp, I think he blocked me from ringing him, but I sis what he asked and I didn't contact him, later this afternoon I received a txt from him asking if I was ok, and then ignored me, then he asked if I wud go to his house, this gave me a little hope but then he txted me saying he was tired and was going to bed then he ignored me again, I know he has read my txts and I now he is ignoring me, its why that puzzles me, I have BPD and bipolar, and he is just, well it feels like he is loving doing this to me, and again.............why

Many thanx
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Dear XXXXX :

Thank you for your question.

Dear XXXXX :

I have no doubts that he cares and loves you, but he is struggling right now in dealing with what he has discovered and that is COPD.

Dear XXXXX :

It is important fro him to stay healthy to get through what he is going through. A few things that do aggravate COPD is house cleaners. When cleaning he needs to make sure he is using natural ways to clean the house. Cleaning sprays, candles, potpourri, air fresheners tend to aggravate COPD. He needs clean air in his home.

Dear XXXXX :

I feel what he is going through right now he feels like if you stay he is burdening you. Which he needs to know is not true.

Dear XXXXX :

You want to be there for him through the good and that bad. You need to tell him that any problems you will get through together. That you are there for him no matter what.

Dear XXXXX :

He needs someone right now but he is afraid.

Dear XXXXX :

He needs to open up and let you in how life. He should not be dealing with any of this on his own.

Dear XXXXX :

As much as he pushes you away, you need to stay right by his side.

Dear XXXXX :

He is going through up and down emotions.

Dear XXXXX :

He needs someone just to talk with about how he feels.

Dear XXXXX :

Keep texting.

Dear XXXXX :

It sounds like he is trying to let you in but doesn't want to burden you.

Dear XXXXX :

It is important that you tell him how you feel and that you want him in your life.

Dear XXXXX :

People when having problems push the person they love the most away.

Dear XXXXX :

But don't let him because he needs you.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your advice, and from past record with him, this has been the case, but this time he is different. It is like he hates me which has come from nowhere. His nastiness has been extremely nasty.


 


All this week he has txt me saying,' don't ever contact me again, ever',


the following day he has txted me saying 'hi' or 'how are you' then asks me to call round at his that evening, five mins later he txts saying, ' forget it, call tomorrow' last night I just turned up, his car was there but he said he was still in work. again he told me to say 'call tomorrow',


 


I need to know wot the hell is going on, I feel like im going insane.


 


thanx

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your question. I seems too me that something has happen in the sense that he is upset about something that happened. I want you to think about any events that has happened that would have caused him to say that he doesn't want you to contact him. But that isn't how he really feels. It seems like he is testing you to see how you are going to react. But it does seem like he is upset about something that has happened. You need to tell him he has to talk too you about what is wrong. He is just covering up his emotions by lashing out with negative comments. But that is not how he feels. He wants you in his life but he needs to resolve the issue he is having. Some times people push people away they love by saying negative things, but you need to show him that it is not going to work and that you are always going to be there for him. Don't let him push you away. Continue to contact him so he knows you are not going to give up on him no matter what he says too you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hia, im sorry for going on but he has told me he has barred me from everywhere, so I cant even txt him, I thought id write him a letter but he would know it was from me and put it in the bin


 


I am going insane


 


thanx

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hia,


 


thank you but he has blocked me on fb and mobile so I cant get hold of hi,.


 


this is driving me nuts


 


x


 

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I would write him a letter now to see if you can get him to open up. I think a letter is perfect to put your feelings on paper so he knows how you feel about him. It is important that he knows that you are there for him through it all. Right now he has so many confused emotions that is happening. He needs someone to listen and understand. You are that person he needs the most in his life.

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