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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Hi I am very confused and slightly upset about a situation

Customer Question

Hi I am very confused and slightly upset about a situation with a guy friend. I have known him for about a year and he is 10 years younger than me n people always comment how well we get on and he defiantly likes me more but always says am too old for him which is cool as I have boyfriend and him on off girlfriend but I don't understand his actions sometimes.

Reasons why I think likes me:

1) always wants to partner with me at work
2) only flirts with me even though younger girls in office
3) Calls me BMA and says no one can ever have this title means best friends forever
4) stares at me lot from distance and if catch him pulls silly faces
5) only tells me things about personal life mainly
6) always asks me for advice on things n to lend money
7) hugs me n touchs my shoulder lot
8) gets jealous when I say other men complimented me he goes oh I noticed your hair etc first not them n gets bit weird
9) don't really like it when talk bout bf
10) Talks differently to me n don't like upsetting me gets upset if we fall out
11) jokes when out should go hotel n always trys to give other guys looks to back off.
12) says am his girl n never fall out
13) compliments me lot n blushes too
14) met his mates as wanted me too n wants to see my house n friends n boyfriend


Reasons think don't like me

1) for some reason won't add me to facebook but added other girls from work who hardly knows but think pretty
2) always makes point am 10 years older
3) says would never date co worker n says to me over n over
4) rarely texts back unless straight after work or next day in morning
5) when been alone never tried on but got very close and touches me etc a lot
6) talks bout girls he likes but says not interested in dating just wants to find girl personality like me odd
7) said once to me likes me lot but not sexually but told other person does like me

So I guess want a view as feel kinda used as helped him lot at work n done lot n upsets me way he acts sometimes as can ignore me too for no reason but yet supposed to be good mates..

Any advice please be great
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

 

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly interested in him and he seems interested in you. That you are 10 years older doesn't bother you. It is unclear, however, that he feels the same.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. From what you've shared with me, he is conflicted:

It appears that he does indeed fancy you but the age difference gets in the way for him. Of the 7 items you list that indicate he doesn't like you, the most important is the one that speaks to the age. The other items are all speaking toward his hesitation to do anything to get involved with you. He seems to be wanting to get involved but holding back because of the age difference.

It's up to you, then, to discuss it with him frankly. You might need to tell him that the age difference doesn't bother you and ask him straight out if it is a problem for him. The reason I'm recommending this approach is because I've seen, in my experience, that in such situations if you do not actually address the issue straight on, then this kind of "almost" yes and "almost" no can continue on and on. And that can be very frustrating, right?

Okay, I wish you the very best!



My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me. If the answer has been helpful, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Sorry would not let me reply unless pressed poor service I don't get why he don't add me to facebook though or when he took photo of us night out he deleted those photos but kept others don't make sense it's like he kinda plays games, I asked him bout facebook n he goes may come off it once knew requested him, but he said his gf was not liking me texting but says not with her now
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.
I see. He does seem to like to keep going back and forth, doesn't he? I wonder if she's the one who broke up with him and if it had to do with similar issues of not being willing to commit himself.


Because it sounds like he does tend to not commit. So, at this time, it would be even more the time to ask him: now that you're not with her any longer, what is the situation? You are giving me some signals that seem to say you like me. Are they real? Should I take them as real, because if so, then let's have a good talk about what we're each thinking, okay?


I think that would be the only way you will get it straight from him.



I would be very grateful if you would change the rating to a positive rating; and you can ask me for more clarification after that as well.


Thanks,

Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I don't get why he didn't add me to facebook though is odd, if supposed to best mate and why want to meet my bf??

He kinda seeing his ex well just for sex ??
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.
This is all very confusing, you are right. There is no way for me to know why he is doing this without talking to him, the same as with you. It's very frustrating to have someone act that way. That's why at some point there has to be a real, honest discussion between the two of you or it just isn't going to work. Because it doesn't make sense, so you need to have some real understading and that means talking with him about these things.


I can imagine that you might be hesitant, but he's acting too much in contradictory ways, I agree.


All the best,
Dr. Mark