Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know you have been having problem when being by yourself.
Could you please tell me more about the core feelings you experience when by yourself, for how long have you felt this way and why haven't you talked with your partner about it? Is this a new relationship or have been together for a long period of time?
I lost my wife of 30 years 2 years ago ,I met this wonderfull woman 9 mts ago ;we have nearly been together since then
I am very sorry to know about your loss
she is 41 I am 52 we are madly in love ,and are so good together,sometimes I feel I am in the way etc,but get very worked up when she goes out with her friends,i do a good job of hiding it
I can understand why you may have been feeling this down because of that, but only you know how much pain you have felt because of it.
I am afraid you would not be able to truly heal from your loss, nor to be present, enjoy and continue to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your partner as long as you keep repressing your pain and denying this serious issue from her.
Have you got grief psychotherapy to work on healing from your loss? Any therapy at all? It seems you could be suffering from depression because of the way you said you feel when alone.
I have been to many psychotherapy sessions and had been on medication for 7 years for panic ,my releationship with my wife was not good,alot of mental stuff,gave all the pills up when she died,my life has improved 100percent since ,am fit lost 3 stone any very happy,just worry about been on my own,and fear been let down again,i don't want to become a clingy greeneyed freak
I am glad to know you are not using psychiatric drugs anymore, but what you describe here, seems to show that while you have made significant improvements at so many levels, the fact that you feel this overwhelmed when alone could show you still need more work on yourself, further healing, and time for your relationship to grow and mature.
so what to do now ,am booked to see a relationship expert in 10 days what you think
I can see you are afraid of undermining your relationship, but at the same time it is also true that keeping this hidden from your relationship in order to get her support and work on your rehabilitation would not help you nor your relationship.
I have told her everything bar the bit about been alone without her
I think a couples counselor or therapist could help around your relationship, but it seems your anxiety and depression problems are rooted not on your relationship but in past serious issues, now being triggered by and limiting your relationship.
This is why I think you need to focus on your rehabilitation process with necessary individual psychotherapy.
ok thanks for that,i will find a good therapist and see how it goes
You're welcome. Please do so since it seems necessary and worthy, for your personal health and well-being as well as for your relationship integrity and potential.
k thanks again
You're welcome. Please remember than panic disorder like other anxiety disorders develop and get worse mostly because of repressing painful feelings, this is why it is so important to work on totally acknowledging fears, sadness, and other painful emotions, processing them and working on healing in order for you to be able to enjoy and be present in your life, so your body and mind would not use these dysfunctional mechanism to release what you have been holding in from past painful experiences.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.
You can contact me using this direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.
Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.