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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I live with a partner, but seem to be obsessed with another

Resolved Question:

I live with a partner, but seem to be obsessed with another man and keep having thoughts of being together and having a sexual encounter, which I haven't had. I am going through losing my mother and have had a great deal of stress. How can I live a more positive life, I am 50 and have not had sex for nearly 6 years. Am I just obsessed with sex?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your mom's situation, and to see how tough this issue around being obsessed with another man has become.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me why you think you are obsessed with sex? You said you have been in this long term relationship but have not had sex for nearly 6 years, right? Is your partner severely disable and that's why this has been this way for so long?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I'd say that a normal person who has not had sexual relationships for that long, would naturally long for it, and if feeling conflicted because of being in a committed relationship, where sexual life has been seriously neglected or nonexistent could easily happen out of this long term neglect.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I hope you could reply to previous questions for me to better understand your situation to to provide more specific support.

Customer:

I seem to have lack of self esteem and confidence and motivation. I get irritable and moody at times. I'm going through the menopause and trying to rebuild my relationship with partner, but I flirted with this other person before my mothers demise and can't get him off my mind. I get very emotional and can't always deal with my feelings. I have had osteoarthritis in hands and problem with being slightly overweight and a back problem, my partner is kept very busy with work and he can be affectionate and very caring and considerate, he has had a great deal to put with from me. I help him with a cleaning job at the church, and with other business french polishing. I think I must have a lot of resentful anger really towards my brother and feelings I'm trying to resolve because I felt I had the majority of the stress sorting house, looking after Mum and I feel kind of humilated because I'm not in a proper job as such and feel I can't always cope when stressed. I think I just unfortunately say the wrong things. I'm on prozac for my nerves and depression and this has helped a bit. I enjoy hobbies and travelling, but I do find a great many people annoying to me and I'm not always sociable.

Customer:

I think maybe I'm obsessed with sex because I would have liked a child. I am a very caring person, but maybe crave a passion and this is what i felt towards this other man. I see friends and my partners family with children and it's hard for me to not feel jealous and as though a part of life has totally past me by. Life can just seem rotten at times and unfair. Maybe I just need to grow up

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for replying. Then you have had a really hard time facing several life issues around your relationship, your brother, menopause, medical problem and depression. Psychiatric drugs like Prozac could help some times with some numbing of symptoms but they cannot rehabilitate a person from depression, anxiety nor resolve serious issues like the ones you describe before, and that's why psychotherapy seems necessary here, since you need and deserve to be and feel better, to better cope with all these problems, and to be able to feel good about yourself, to truly enjoy life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do not see your longings as obsessions, but as normal core needs ant human being could have. It is very sad and frustrating to find yourself not having children, and that oi snot an illusion but a real and painful fact, you suffer because of it, and it is necessary for you to fully acknowledge it. In the same way, the lack of passion in your life is another core issue, and it is not unrealistic nor abnormal, but necessary for you to long for it and to work on creating and promoting it in your life too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Specially now that you can n longer have children, I believe it is essential for you to build a truly healthy and fulfilling relationship, then individual psychotherapy and couples therapy seem necessary. I hope your partner shows real caring, understanding, support, willingness and commitment to work on creating this reality together.

Customer:

Thank you so much for your answers, being too sensitive a person does not always help either, I must feel that I have achieved and will achieve good things in my life. I am an individual and must not feel I have to compete or prove anything. I have to accept there are certain things I cannot change, but build on what is important to me.

Customer:

Goodbye I will work on this.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. You are absolutely right, and I support you and your plan on focusing on creating and promoting further meaning and fulfillment in your life, without tormenting yourself about other people or things you cannot control. You need all your energy to work on your rehabilitation process, and to shape your reality at all these core levels the way you want and deserve, and everything you can do about it in healthy and assertive ways would be necessary, with the best support available, including psychotherapy and a good support group.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.


You can contact me using this direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.

Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you