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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I have been seeing a girl for a couple of months and everything

Resolved Question:

I have been seeing a girl for a couple of months and everything was going well. We had even spent a weekend away together. We had been talking about making the relationship official if it went well.
However she text me at weekend to say there has been no natural progression over the last few weeks to take the relationship further.
I said I’m glad you tell me know rather than getting 6 months down the line and it going nowhere.
Therefore I thought our relationship was over. So I thought I would play the no contact rule and text her in a couple of weeks time.
However she text me last night and now I am confused as to what is happening and what I should do. I do like her and would like to get back with her if I can.
I was wondering does she now see us in the friends zone and why she text me now after a couple of days or does she still have feelings me?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this frustrating and distressful situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It seems the dynamics between you changed right after you started talking about making your relationship official, since it was going very well until then.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Perhaps she was feeling pushed by it since you just started it a couple of months ago, which triggered her personal fears perhaps from past experiences.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me what did she said through her text and confirm that there was not clear agreement between you about keep things the way they were before planning about going official?

Customer: Her text was more general chat than about us
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see.

Customer: There was no agreement about going official it was just something we talked about before the weekend away
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You described the relationship going very well, but it has been still very young, and her reactions shows she has felt pushed and uncomfortable when talking about making it formal, that's why I believe she may still have feelings for you but does not want to commit to anything yet, so giving it time could be the best approach as long as both want to work on it

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is why I think it is necessary and worthy to contact her and to ask her if she still wants to keep sharing just as you were before that talk to see how it evolves.

Customer: My plan was to go with the no contact rule and she if she got in contact as I thought that this would show that she still had feelings for me.
Customer: Would I be better off getting in contact and talking to her about taking my time?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, and she did contact you.

Customer: Yes she did but it was more general chat than about our relationship
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Each person is different, so you need to be truthful with yourself, clear about what you want and are willing to afford or not in this situation, then be honest and set consistent boundaries from it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you feel you prefer not to stay in touch for a while, then let her know that and be consistent with your decision. If you feel it is worthy to keep sharing if she is also willing to do it, then you would see how things evolve.

Customer: The original text she sent me when we finished was that she liked me but there had been no natural progression in her feelings for me in the last couple of weeks.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then it would be necessary to have the chance to actually talk about what it means for her, and what you can expect from her, for you to take good care of yourself, and for you to respect each others' boundaries.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer: Yes it does talk to her to understand what she means and then take it from there!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sounds good, very assertive and proactive, so you would not be making wrongs assumptions, nor leave doubts or confusions around it. This way you would be taking good care of yourself, while offering her the best possible support under these circumstances.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.


You can contact me using this direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.


Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.

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