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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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i have been with my boyfriend for nine years iam 53 and he

Customer Question

i have been with my boyfriend for nine years iam 53 and he is 55. i suffer with depression, the man who lives in the flat above does not work and always playing load music. for monthes i have been telling my boyfriend it will sennd me over the edge. last week it did and i lost the plot i threww flowers at my boyfriend and said nasty things to him.i asked him to report him but he said no, i said i wii reort him he said no, i asked if we could move he said no ,my son came for me when i had a break down and im now living with him. my boyfriend has not rang me but i have sent a text saying sorry and explaning why it sent me mad and hoping we was not over. i havent heard from him.he always said he would look after me so why because this man above made me ill i am been made to feel it was my fault.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this very sad, frustrating and concerning situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you describe here is very concerning and serious, since it shows how not matter how vulnerable and under how much distress you have been because of suffering from depression, this neighbor was adding further distress in your life, but your partner instead of understanding and supporting you, protecting you from feeling and getting worse, he totally dismissed your pain and requests for support, and that's just unacceptable and neglectful, never consistent with healthy love for sure.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I can understand why you reacted the way you did last week, I believe most people in your shoes would have done exactly the same or have an ever stronger reaction after undergoing such distress for several months without any empathy nor support from a long term life partner.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your reaction was a normal one in reaction to an overwhelming and abnormal situation, where the very person who was supposed to protect you and take good care of you, even more while aware of your additional vulnerability because of depression, consciously and willingly chose to neglect you that much, pushing you to feeling that overwhelmed and having a nervous breakdown.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily, your boyfriend's behaviors around this serious issue for the past months, and now that you are living with your son, show that his words about looking after you were not honest, since this concrete situation, going on for this long and affecting you this much, cannot be denied, and not further pain has been added by his decision not to even reply to your messages, showing even lack of respect, empathy, and compassion, which is very concerning, since we are talking about a nine year long relationship and adult people, and not about a teenager acting out after an argument with a new girlfriend.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do not think you need nor deserve any of the neglect and wounding inflicted by your boyfriend, and unhappily his concrete actions are showing you that, which is just shocking, but you still need to take care of your health and well-being, once you cannot afford feeling and getting worse, since depression is a tough condition, and the last thing you need is to undergo any form of abuse, neglect r manipulation. I am glad your son is supporting you now. Please discuss with your counsellor or therapist about this issue, or if you are not getting therapeutic support to rehabilitate from depression, please look for professional counselling or psychotherapy to get necessary support, to heal and effectively cope with this overwhelming situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

JACUSTOMER-0mhqp7lc- :

yes it makes sense my boyfriend last month told me to give up work because iwas becoming ill, he always paid fpr me but why did he not believe me when i break i would not be able to controll it

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do not know why he acted this neglectful and insensitive way, but he did and has willingly chosen to continue this way for his long, which is very concerning

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It could be that he's been using this situation as an excuse to justify his current behavior.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

There is no way to know for sure, unless he chooses to be honest and respectful, at least to talk with you about it, but he is not allowing any communication whatsoever, this is why it seems necessary for you to focus on what you can control, since you cannot afford getting more depressed and suffering even more.

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