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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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This all started a year ago when I began a new job. I made

Resolved Question:

This all started a year ago when I began a new job. I made friends quite quickly plus a few unwanted admirers! There was this one guy, however, who I felt attracted to and I'd heard from quite a few people he felt attracted to me. But I also heard he currently had a girlfriend so, of course, I kept my distance and so did he. A few months later, he must of said to a friend of mine that they had broken up but nevertheless, I still didn't find the courage to go and talk to him. Which is when he spoke to a co-worker of ours, who I'd recently become close to - she knew I fancied him - and asked whether or not we could exchange numbers. At this point, it had been a few months since I last heard he had broken up with his girlfriend, so I thought 'why not?' We exchanged numbers and began talking non-stop and I started to REALLY like him. A month later, we were chatting at work when a colleague of ours came over and said, your girlfriend won't be too happy to see you talking to Sonia. Of course, I was shocked but I plastered a smile on my face pretending it didn't bother me. He apologized and said everyone knew he had a girlfriend and hence he thought I knew too. I explained to him I thought they had broken up which was the only reason I began talking to him in the first place. He then said, the girl who helped us exchange numbers knew he had a girlfriend from the start which baffled me. Why would a girl who I was really close to, not say anything? At this stage, I wasn't just attracted to him but I liked him as a friend so we contacted each other again but it wasn't the same. Then, a few months later we began chatting to each other again but it was different this time, and he told me he had ended it with his girlfriend. Despite this, we haven't met up, we've only spoken on the phone constantly but he insists to take me out after I've finished university. Everything was fine up and till a few days when the friend - who helped us exchange numbers - felt the need to go up to his ex-girlfriend and say that her ex likes someone else. I know it shouldn't bother me but I can't help but feel guilty, they had been in a relationship for five years and sometimes it feels like I turned up out of the blue to take him away from her and its what C - the girl who helped us - throws back in my face despite the fact she could have told me from day one he had a girlfriend but decided not to. Me and him haven't done anything except flirt but how do I get rid of this guilty feeling? And what do I do if the ex decides to confront me about it?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this frustrating and distressful situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Based on your story, I do not see you did anything wrong here, but consistently taken action based on what you knew about this person and his romantic situation, from what these co-workers shared with you, and directly from him. On the other hand it seems clear to me that he and this other co-worker have not been totally honest, open and direct towards you, and that's what led to this uncomfortable situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please focus on taking full responsibility for your own feelings, choices and actions, which seem mature, assertive, respectful and sensitive, while he and this other co-worker need to do the same. The big difference is that they cannot feel proud for not being honest and respectful as you have been from the very beginning.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If his ex-girlfriend decides to confront you about what happened, you would also be totally honest and clear about what happened for her to see that in this situation you did nothing wrong, whole were misled by this co-worker and by his behavior.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?


Yes, it does. Thank you for your advice!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.

You can contact me using this direct link to my profile, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care.

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