Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very sad and frustrating situation.
Could you please tell me more about what happened for her to change her mind that way? Is she suffering from anxiety or depression?
I am sorry for the confusion.
I see, then he was not truly sure about wanting to get married at this time but felt it was his responsibility to do so?
That's very sad. How did the baby change it?
Then the extra responsibilities and demand from this change in your lives have deeply pushed you and your relationship.
Isn't he willing to get couples counseling?
That's very good
Absolutely, a baby, the first child, specially when there was too much pressure and previous issues affecting a relationship, could trigger further problems and lead to serious crisis, and that's why professional counseling support could be very necessary.
it is tough, specially now that you have your baby, you are much more vulnerable and sensitive because of it, the tough time before and during your pregnancy and now facing his decision not to get married.
I think you should be consistent with your feelings towards him, and clear about what you need and want, without pushing him, but being empathetic and supportive, modeling the very behaviors that you need from him. Hopefully he would be able to calm down get necessary professional support to better cope with these challenges and problems, so to work on healing your relationship.
It could be very traumatic for a person in your shoes to get this news, but pushing him would not help, that's why both need to be compassionate, understanding and supportive with each other, and set your baby's health and well-being as the number one priority in your lives.
Mostly by his consistent actions in time, rather than from words. From the affection, patience, support and caring he shows towards you and your baby.
Please do take good care of yourself, in order to protect and take good care of your baby. Any thing that wounds you would hurt your baby too, but it would literally damage his mind and body in deep ways, and that's something you do not want to afford at all
These are all serious concerns that should be addressed, and that's why couples counseling seems very important for you to get competent support facilitating your dialogue , accountability an proactive actions.
Your support system, namely close family and friends, should play an actively healing you through this tough process, since it is about your personal and your baby's health and integrity before anything, and by taking good care of yourself, you would be able to work on taking good care of your relationship.
I think so, otherwise he could have left already.
I see, then please keep closely in touch with them and which close friends, since it is not good for you to be alone like that at all.
Absolutely, without total honesty and openness there is no way to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship, family and life togeter.
I do not suggest you to deny nor repress your feelings at all, but to be mindful about them for you to control the way you vent them and redirect yourself towards proactive and healthy actions that could help you to be and feel better.
I do not think you should hide this pain or would poison yourself and your baby, sabotaging yourself, baby and relationship.
Then wait a little bit, but please do not delay it too much otherwise you would get more wounded and overwhelmed, since you need their support.
it is obviously abusive, neglectful and traumatizing, incompatible with healthy love, but since you were already having issues before it, the pregnancy and your baby could have triggered more his personal issues and fears, that's why he needs to work on what he really feels, wants and is willing to do about it.
Right now, you need to focus on takign good care of your immediate needs, rather than thinking too much n the future since his words and actions have changed all your plans
You need to be yourself, in order to heal and grow from it, while taking good care of your baby, since that's what you can and should control, then only time will show you if he has what it takes to protect, love and support you and your child or not.
I agree and support you. Please consider individual counseling to work on your healing process, since this is a tough situation and you cannot afford getting and feeling worse.
No, blaming is destructive, it never helps.
What each of you need is to take full responsibility for your own feelings, choices and actions, in that way you would be respectful and assertive addressing all the issues an challenges involved.
Unhappily problems around first child, specially if not planned are very frequent, and that's why professional and family support are very important
Yes, you need to make sure you take good care of your mental, emotional and physical health, since your baby depends on that.
You will know from his actions in time what is it that keeps him there
That could be true, but it could be because of your situation, the baby, or other factors, only if you truly happened to know him well you would know. this is why it is necessary to be patient ad see how things evolve.
I would say at least 6 months.
You're very welcome.
I support you. Let me suggest a couple of books that may help you.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Never-Enough-Misunderstandings-Relationship/dp/0060916044/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381452535&sr=8-1&keywords=love+is+never+enoughCouple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work http://www.amazon.com/Couple-Skills-Making-Your-Relationship/dp/157224481X/ref=pd_sim_b_2Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can--and Should--be Saved
Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You http://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394239914&sr=8-1&keywords=Getting+Past+Your+Breakup%3A+How+to+Turn+a+Devastating+Loss+into+the+Best+Thing+That+Ever+Happened+to+You
You're very welocme.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.
You can contact me using this direct link to my profile http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/expert-rafael-morales-toia/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.